Policy and Strategy!

In Grand Fenwick, events are afoot that are likely to reduce a tad the house prices in the Margravate of Wurstburp.

'You wanted to see me?' asks Lady Timsbury of Somerton. She stands in a chamber of King and Emperor George's palace in Gelderland. Though George has not yet been formally crowned as ruler of Gelderland, it is surely only a technicality, and nothing whatsoever could now go wrong that would prevent his coronation. Not ever.

George's chief councillor Minister Werner von Wormer bows to Lady Timsbury. 'Yes, my lady. I have brought a message: and yet another present from your admirer'.

Lady Timsbury sighs. 'It's not that wearisome painter fellow Heironyonous Tosch is it?'

'The very same, madame'.

'What has he sent me this time?'

'It's another painting of Richard III'.
Lady Timsbury snorts. 'For goodness sake - not another Dick pic!'
She looks at the picture and frowns. 'This one seems strangely painted'.
Wormer looks at the message he is holding. 'Tosch claims that it's been digitally re-mastered'.
'Digitally re-mastered?'
'Yes, he's used his fingers to move the paint around'.

Wormer hands Lady Timsbury the message. 'Why does he  pursue you so, my lady? Did you have a relationship with him?'

'Goodness no! I mean, yes I went to the opera a couple of times with him; and then out to a dining establishment on a few dozen occasions; and then, of course, I lived with him for three years. For goodness sake, I barely know the man, and yet he keeps harassing me!'

Wormer gestures to the message. 'Also, he would like some access to your children'.

Lady Timsbury shrugs. 'Well, yes, obviously I had children with him. But what else was I supposed to do? We were in Wales at the time: there was nothing else to do. And now he won't leave me alone!'

Wormer nods slowly. 'So, the living in Wales with him; and the, ah, children: was that the time before or after the unfortunate, ah, accident involving your husband?'

'Pffft', says Lady Timsbury airily. 'Time: it's such a relative concept'.

'Anyway, Lord Wormer, I have more important issues that I wish to discuss with you. Matters both of policy and strategy'.

'Really, madame? Is there a difference between the two?'

Lady Timsbury rolls her eyes. She points to a large pile of folios on a nearby chair. 'Module 1, Unit 2 of King's College's marvellous programme of professional military education!' Give me some money and I shall enrol you!'

'So is that a yes or a no?' enquires Wormer.

'No freebies!' says Lady Timsbury tartly. 'The important point that I wish to press upon you is the need to exploit the success won by your alliance over the Margravate of Wurstburp'.

'I quite agree, madame'.

'Really?'

'Yes - I thought a small party would be in order: nothing too much, of course - it's only Zenta. Maybe some cheese and wine, a bit of bunting'.

'No! No! No! The principles of strategy demand that we fully exploit this success through follow-on activity! Why it is one of the many important principles contained in Module 2; Unit 3. 'Kicking an Adversary When They are Down'.

Wormer considers this. 'Well, I could add a hot fork buffet I suppose: and more bunting'.

'No - for goodness sake, man! The army of Wurstburp has been roundly defeated: so their lands are wide open to further operations. Strike straight for their centre of gravity!'

'Their what of what?'

'Without an army, there is nothing to prevent a direct attack upon their capital city!'

Wormer nods. 'Why ... yes, madame: on reflection, you are correct. And this is ... from the material contained within your course on professional military education?'

'Indeed, Wormer: delivered by a world-renowned institution that isn't Hull University!'

'And I am sure it is competitively priced and comes with excellent academic support from enthusiastic tutors?'

'World renowned, I tell you!' says Lady Timsbury firmly. 'And one clear lesson is the need to exploit success! March upon the Wurstburp capital!'

'That sounds quite dangerous, my lady: it's a long way. And also, I've already ordered the bunting'.

Lady Timsbury sighs in exasperation. 'But this is the advantage of being in an alliance - just get someone else to do it and take all the risks'.

Wormer considers this revelation. 'Madam, this is sage advice! Why, we could ask the Vulgarians to do it! They're nearer, and also, we hate them, so we don't care if they fail'.

'Indeed sir! If there is one thing I've learnt in Mittelheim, it's that allies are only enemies that haven't read between the lines properly'.

'Why, this is marvellous. Professional military education really seems to be worth investing in - if I sign up, can I have a discount?'

'No. World renowned! If it's not expensive, how could it be any good? I shall draft you a message to the Vulgarians: take the idea to the King!'

Wormer bows. 'I shall do so immediately, madame ...'