Friday 21 January 2022

The Gelderland Legal Team Make Representations!

The Gelderland legal team have advanced a range of arguments for the need to consider a wider definition of the success of Hunchmausen’s campaign in Schrote!

"In respect of other Gelderland/Vulgarian achievements - there is of course the wider issue of Mittelheim's political opinion to consider. The political entity of Schrote remains in being and largely unscathed; it now has the basis of its own militia and in due course a more worthy bishop to oversee affairs, an appointment Gelderland is well placed to engineer. Gelderland showed itself to other nations to be a trustworthy ally. We curtailed the activities of a hostile power in the shape of Baldwin and in fact the Nabstrians surely scored an own goal by removing him for us thus saving The Emperor the embarrassment of a wrangle with the Church! Our troops behaved in line with the usages of war, no murdering, looting or pillaging etc. in contrast with the behaviour of the enemy who happily murdered civilians, even in a cathedral, thus surely drawing the condemnation of ecclesiastical authorities of every creed and the disgust of civilised nations generally. In terms of the wider political state of affairs I would humbly suggest that the Nabstrians have squandered valuable political capital in Mittelheim and made themselves look like pillaging brutish bullies for the gain of a couple of wagons of wine, some tin plates and brass spoons".

Saturday 15 January 2022

A Legal Riposte!

Nabstrian lawyers have lodged a challenge to the established outcome of the campaign in Schrote, in particular rebutting criticism of the performance of their own troops (odd, given the official Nabstrian and Bachscuttel denials of the involvement in the conflict of any of their forces!)

In a statement from Nabstrian lawyers Grabbitt, Quicke, and Floggit, it was announced that: "As usual, the so called 'Umpire' has been entirely partial and has left out the bold and courageous ambush launched by von Pfanenstiel and his hussars. The Burggrave is deciding on what honours need to be showered on the the young von Pfanenstiel.

The 'Umpire' has also omitted to mention the fact that the Nabstrian artillery has been bolstered by an enterprising blacksmith who managed to heat and fire red hot cannon balls with considerable accuracy and no major accidents - that's got to be worth 'Artillery Academy' in anyone's books!

Nabstria views the raid as a complete success - the Bishop was rescued from the evil clutches of the Vulgarians - and Schrote has been thoroughly reconnoitred for the forthcoming full invasion. The religious schism that may follow will only be due to the Vulgarians - Bishop Baldwin remains the only true apostolic Bishop of Schrote. In the meantime, however, the Burggrave will be seeking the Pope's indulgence to confirm a new Bishopric on the Nabstrian town of Badelippestadt, home of the most odourful cheese in all of Gelderland - henceforth to be known as 'Stinking Bishop'.

The Vulgarians will find themselves left with the enormously fat, greedy, lazy and incompetent Emperor - who was never missing anyway. Their grocery bills are now going to be enormous".

No doubt Gelderland and Vulgaria will have a view on this latest development.

Friday 7 January 2022

The Schrote Scourer!

From Schrote, now occupied by Vulgarian and Gelderland troops, the local newspaper has printed a detailed, and no doubt entirely independent, account of the latest campaign!






Thursday 6 January 2022

Hunchmausen's Message!

Always the gentleman, the Baron Hunchmausen sends a message to Colonel Ziegler!



Wednesday 5 January 2022

The Outcome!

The Emperor was found by the Gelderlanders in Flossen at 11.05am on Day Two! (The emperor was in one of: Flossen, Oxfurt, or Hanamel Farm. For the first one of those searched, he was there on a 5 or 6; the second, a 4, 5 or 6; and the third. a 3-6 (a 1 or 2 meaning that he would never be found again!)

The invading force under Colonel Zeigler burnt one village (Widenlau), obtaining half a wagon-load of wine, and a quarter of a wagon-load of boxes of silver and gold (which strikes me as suspiciously good for a village) as well as a painting of the Virgin Mary cutting her toe-nails: the smallness of her dress, as she stoops over, no doubt a necessary artistic convention. They also successfully raided Schrote cathedral, extracting the bishop and his two henchmen. Zeigler's losses (excluding lightly wounded, who will quickly recover) amounted to 48 men and one special forces milk maid killed, 69 wounded, and 28 captured; for a total of 136 casualties. Against this, they forcibly impressed seven locals into the Nabstrian army. The two guns expended 112 rounds each, leaving them with 88.

The defending forces of Baron Hunchmausen successfully found the emperor. Schrote, and most the rest of the bishopric was largely untouched by the invading force. Hunchmausen's losses were: 37 dead, 67 wounded, six deserted and six captured; for a total of 116 casualties. The two guns each expended 40 rounds each, leaving them with 160.

The hardest fighting unit was Ziegler's Pfannensteil hussars who suffered 99 casualties out of the 400 deployed. The Gelderland Lieb Grenadiers lost 19 out of the hundred men deployed.

The raid on Schrote is thus adjudged a major victory for the Gelderland/Vulgarian defenders!

Tuesday 4 January 2022

Day Two: 11.25am!

Hunchmausen's Headquarters: Day Two, 11.25am

At 10.15am Hunchmausen sends a messenger to the Bremse hussars at Redderblau instructing them, if they haven't already, to give the tower a good search. They should then check Flossen, asking any locals if any smugglers have passed by, and offering rewards for information. Scouts should be sent to check the roads to Vill Barrow and Schottinder Farm for any fresh cart tracks.

At 11.20am, the squadron of hussars return from the direction of Redderblau Hill! They have the emperor! Having searched Redderblau tower, which revealed only the horror of what happens in a cellar when Bachscuttel hussars try and relieve themselves in the dark, the squadron moved thence to Flossen. A search of this ruined village revealed the still somnolent form of Emperor George, hidden in the remains of a cellar: one clearly used by carrot smugglers. Huzzah!


At 11.25am, a messenger arrives from Rimmer. The messenger passed 1st bn Ostmarck at 1100am, about a third of a mile east of Widenlau. Rimmer’s message is timed 10.15am. He sends his compliments and reports his position to be on the road northeast of Langenzofft, just short of the border with Rotenburg. At 10.10am, the enemy column crossed the frontier and exited Schrote! Huzzah! He will maintain his position and keep the frontier under observation.

The campaign is complete! All that remains is to drink some of Bishop Baldwin’s wine (or indeed all of it) and write a short report for the emperor, when he wakes! Baron Hunchmausen feels another title coming on!