The Palatinate of Saukopf-Bachscuttel
Saukopf-Bachscuttel is one of the oldest of the Mittelheim states. It dates from the marriage in 1345 between Bohemond von Saponantheim of Saukopf, a man who looked for all the world like a monkey that had been shaved strategically and then placed in a pair of tights, and Brunhilde of Bachscuttel, a woman with the bearing of a queen and the body of a hessian sack full of cabbages. One might have thought that such an ill-starred pair would have had little to do with one another, but in Saukopf-Bachscuttel the nights are long and the local beer extremely potent, and so it pleased the Good Lord to give the royal couple 17 children. Progressively, Bohemond and Brunhilde’s progeny married themselves into the other noble houses of Mittelheim; though, having inherited some of the more prominent of their parent’s physical features, this was generally achieved only through the accompaniment of a hefty payment and in circumstances involving very low lighting.
Honesty, honour, fidelity: these are qualities noticeably absent in the history of the noble house of von Saponatheim. The current Prince-Palatine of Saukopf-Bachscuttel is Rupprecht Von Saponatheim: Prince Rupprecht succeeded his brother Heinrich, who died in 1754 after an unfortunate accident involving a local serving wench, a croquet mallet, and some Roqufort cheese. Heinrich had been a popular ruler: under his guidance, the Palatinate had experienced ten years of grinding poverty, a performance which represented something of a golden age by Saukopf’s lamentable historical standards. In consequence, Heinrich was known to his subjects as ‘The Wise and Able’. Rupprecht, by contrast, is known as 'The One in the Attic.’ Rupprecht is reportedly an unstable character, with traits that, as Prince Palatine, lead him to be termed ‘eccentric’ but which, if he were a peasant, would probably lead him to be described as ‘as mad as a syphilitic mongoose.’ Some of his dangerous quirks include an extreme fear of water (a fact that leads him to take his bath in full armour); a belief that the moon is made of cheese; and the crazed notion that government might be better if it were more inclusive and less autocratic.
Saukopf-Bachscuttel extends some twelve miles east to west and seven miles north to south; in this it is proportioned much like the bulk of its ruling family. The principal city of the Palatinate is Pfeildorf: it may be termed ‘principal’ in the sense that it has a cobbled street, a Cathedral, and the chickens are allowed indoors only every other week. The other main towns include Sordorff, famed for its inhospitable inhabitants; Grossdumpling, the culinary capital of the Principality and home of the weevil fricasee; and Zukdorf, of which the less said about the better.
The wealth of Saukopf-Bachscuttel ebbs and flows according to the price of pigs, a commodity which, aside from curious smells, is the Palatinate’s main export. The hub of the Palatinate’s industrial strength lies in the village of Rumpelpumpel, where locals make dangerous and highly illegal modifications to imported Herzo-Carpathian codpieces for onward sale to the strange folk of Kurland. Rupprecht’s earlier attempts to increase the fortunes of his penurious princedom through heavy investment in the triangle trade foundered when cheap imports of Spanish maracas led the bottom to fall out of sales in percussion instruments. The accumulated mountain of metal was dealt with by casting them into cannons: though rather too small for normal battlefield use, they sound lovely when fired.
The army of Saukopf-Bachscuttel is commanded by the Irish soldier of fortune Lord Redmond Barry, known, after his marriage to the Princess Katerina of Eylund, as General Graf Redmond von Barry-Eylund. Also serving with the army as a senior officer is Kershaw, Earl of Brent. General Barry-Eylund is, of course, a ‘Great Captain’. The Palatinate maintains an elite ‘Maison du Roi’ consisting of two infantry regiments. Saukopf-Bachscuttel’s army consists of the following units:
Regiment von Milchfrau Liebgarde (Guard): Broken at Schoppenmoll, re-raised
Grenadier Regiment Von Hoffmeister-Bayer (Guard): Broken at Schoppenmoll and disbanded
Tchokolet-Feyer Garde (Guard): Broken at Maushorgen, re-raised
Infanterie Regiment Von Schillinge Und Forpunz (Trained): Broken at Maushorgen; re-trained in peacetime
Infanterie Regiment Graf Von Gross-Winckel (Elite): Promoted at Hansel und Gretel.
Infanterie Regiment Von Munschbutte (Elite): Promoted at Maushorgen
Infanterie Regiment Von Dorful-Pumpehandel (Trained): Broken at Maushorgen; re-trained in peacetime
Infanterie Regiment Von Munschenhardumppe (Elite): Promoted at Maushorgen
Infanterie Regiment Von Stoppenfloppen (Elite): Promoted at Lowenfaht; promoted at Maushorgen
Freibattalion Von Schnitzelhund (Irregular): broken at Heisenleman.
Freibattalion Von Badmutter (Irregular):
Hussaren Von Kreigwurst (Trained):
Chevauxleger Von Blitzenstollen (Elite): Broken at Schoppenmoll; promoted at Maushorgen; promoted at Leipflute
Kurassier Von Fleigerweiner (Elite): Promoted at Lowenfaht; broken at Maushorgen; retrained in peacetime; promoted at Hansel und Gretel.
Artillery support is provided by the 1st Honourable Pfeildorff Artillery Company; the Zukdorf Reserve Battery, No. 1; and the 1st Rumpelpumpel Volunteer Artillery