Rimmer's Headquarters, 7.50am!

'You asked to see me, major - dammit, I mean colonel?' says Captain Baciu, entering Brevet Colonel Rimmer's tent,

'Yes', replies Rimmer. 'It's urgent. We've received a messenger pigeon!'

'The pigeon doesn't look very well. sir'.

'That's a roast chicken, Baciu - the pigeon's to the left'.

'It looks oddly flat, sir'.

'My left - that's my hat'. 

'Oh, yes'. The captain regards the pigeon doubtfully. 'That pigeon has oddly long legs, maj ... colonel, sir.'

'It does, which actually is lucky: because the message it carried was a very long one from baron Hunchmausen informing me that the emperor is missing; enemy troops are invading Schrote; that I need to lead my force into Schrote; that I need to travel to Schrote, via The Thingie, Flumpe's Stumpe, Schmallenhardt, and Widenlau, whilst detailing a messenger for other activities. There were a number of P.S.s and also a small map'.

'Fair play to whoever wrote that message small enough to fit around a pigeon's leg', says the captain, nodding.

'Fair play to the pigeon as well, Baciu - for managing to fly here with a message so long it looked like he was wearing a plaster-cast. Anyway - here are your orders! I want the troops ready to leave by 8.30am! And get me Ensign Dragosani  - I need to see him outside'.

'Watch those pistols, lieutenant!' says Rimmer a little later, standing back as Dragosani uses them to gesticulate.

'Sorry, sir! It's just so exciting to be given a secret mission!'

'Yes, Dragosani - although I think that one requirement for any self-respecting secret mission is that the person on it doesn't say out loud that they're on it'.

'Sorry, sir - of course'. 

'So - you're clear: you are to do all in your power to sway the Lady Ingretta to the Vulgarian/Gelderland cause. If it comes to it “Lie back and think of Schloß Feratu”. You've got the letter safe?' Dragosani, a bright, athletic officer, taps his pocket and nods.

The letter, written by Rimmer, actually reads:

“On behalf of the Voivodate of Vulgaria, Greetings to the Esteemed Lady Ingretta. As Your Ladyship will be aware the forces of Bachscuttle and Nabstria have launched an unprovoked and cowardly attack upon the Bishopric of Schrote, furthermore they are almost certainly behind a despicable outrage upon the person of The Emperor, a guest in your capital. It remains to be seen what further bestial affronts may be planned and thus we, alongside our Gelderlandish allies, proffer our assistance in driving out the invaders. Your Ladyship is famed for perspicacity in matters of state and it would be a signal honour should Your Ladyship see fit to advise us regarding the situation in the Bishopric, particularly regarding the fate of The Emperor. Vulgaria will be greatly in Your Ladyship’s debt for any assistance offered,

Yours,

Colonel Rimmer”

'Excellent - now, off you go. Head northwards via The Thingie and Piggel's Farm, then cut across country to Schmallenhardt. and thence to the Lady's dwelling at Hindergran Manor!'

As the two officers finish their discussion, the rest of the column is moving off, according to Rimmer's orders:

March Orders

Vanguard

Bremse Hussar Regiment (Major Strigoi), 
Strigoi’s hussars act as scouts in front of and flanking the column, three squadrons active one in reserve at the head of the column. Standing orders are to report and shadow any enemy forces encountered rather than engage.

Main Column

Three Companies Strzyga Jäger Regiment (Major Ferenczy)
Detachments of the 1st Company scout and liaise with patrolling hussar squadrons. Remaining companies in march column. Ferenczy also has responsibility for ensuring the protection of the supply wagons and carriage containing The Traitor Agorn and his escort.

Supply Wagons

The Traitor’s Carriage

Two Squadrons von Karnstein’s Dragoons (Major de la Gardie) 

The force will proceed via The Thingie, North then West to Flumpe’s Stump then North to Schmallenhardt; a brief pause, then on to Widenlau. Patrols to scout the pass in the Mittelmassige Hugel and secure it if possible. Patrols Northward to Oxfurt and Kambritz and West to contact Gelderlanders in Schrote. 

In all of this, Rimmer must also consider his precious charge: The Traitor Agorn. Herr Agorn, pretender to the Vulgarian throne, is being transferred by Rimmer's force from the dungeons of Rotenburg. As part of the security for this, Rimmer sends another officer, a Lieutenant Balan, on a journey to Schmallenhardt to find a blacksmith. At the blacksmith’s (assuming there is one, if not he enquires where one can be found) the messenger seeks some brackets and bolts and a small wrought iron cage big enough to hold a small powder barrel.

The reasons for this relate to suggestions made by two of Herr Agorn's guard detail. Other than mud and Pish, Vulgaria’s other main export lies in it’s horribly well qualified experts in the field of “enhanced coercive interrogation techniques”, all certified members of the Vulgarian Artisan Guild of Gaolers, Torturers and Ancillary Tradespersons, usually known by the acronym "VAGG" for short. The Guild typically takes on an apprentice at age 10 to begin training as a Slopper, or “Spilt Fluids Removals Operative” the starting point in a rigorous seven year apprenticeship. After two years an able pupil might progress far enough to be trusted with Taunting before a further two years study leads to specialisation in various disciplines such as Insertions, Extractions, Removals and Mechanicals. No other nation in Mittelheim can boast such extraordinarily well trained prison staff and thus after producing their masterwork the Guild’s alumni are in high demand. As it happens two of the Guild’s finest, Kraftstein and Gautet, have been entrusted with escorting the pretender Agorn to face justice somewhere deep below Schloß Feratu. “ThePackage” as they refer to him is manacled by right wrist and left ankle to brackets inside the specially adapted carriage used by the Vulgarian authorities for extraordinary rendition of malcontents and mischief makers. Agorn sits on what is essentially a small commode seat thus obviating the need for his leaving the carriage, made more difficult in any case by there being no keys for his manacles. The short chains allow him to eat but little else. Knowing that their own wellbeing might be thrown into question should “The Package” fall into the wrong hands the pair have explained to Rimmer how they plan to ensure this will not happen even in the confusion of this unexpected military diversion. Their scheme centres on a small barrel of gunpowder and musket balls, a wrought iron cage and a spare musket barrel all of which will be fitted as a failsafe to Agorn’s capture by the enemy. That or shooting him.