Schratcherbach, the Third!

'I believe, my Lady, that you might not have long to wait for your refreshments', says General Rumpfler. 'For the report here makes clear that the Rotenburgers recognised the importance of this opportunity and resolved to exploit it with a massive bayonet charge all along the line'.
'Splendid', says Colonel Fitzbuttress. 'I dislike it when generals shilly-shally, wasting time with marches, manoeuvres, operational art and such'.

'No shilly-shallying here', says the general. 'Only cutty-cutty. The whole front line - four battalions - pushed forwards with cries of "For the King!" The other battalions advanced in support' (below).

'And what of the Bachscuttelers, in all of their disorder?' asks Fitzbuttress.

Rumpfler surveys the report. 'Their troops also cried "For the King!"', he then says.

'Oooh', says the Burgravina, 'The Rotenburg commander couldn't have been very pleased by that unfortunate turn of events'.

'No he wasn't', says the general. 'He said some very naughty words. So it turned out that, in the crucial combat, both sides would ignore there respective disorders'.

'A desperate enterprise', says the Burgrave.
'Indeed', interjects the Burgravina. 'I suspect that the Rotenburg commander would at this juncture wish to use his own dice'.

(Below) The royal party continues to survey the developing situation.

'And Barry-Eylund's response?' asks Faltaire. 'Was he perturbed by the Rotenburg show of grit and aggression?' 



'He soiled his britches', says the general. 'Then he mewed pathetically like a kitten, before dropping his trousers and running around his headquarters shouting "I'm a little pig! Look at my curly pink tail!'

The remainder of the party look at one another.

'Are you sure that that is what the report says, my good Rumpler?' says the Burgrave.

'I might have embellished matters a little, sir'.

'So how much of what you just said is actually an accurate account of what Barry-Eylund did?'

'Approximately none of it, my lord. But, you know, it's exactly the sort of thing that he would do, believe me'.

'Hmmm', says the Burgrave. 'Well, moving on, it would seem that this really might be the decisive encounter in this battle. Let us then go forwards and survey in more detail the situation'. The royal party makes its way slowly down the slope towards the Rotenburg right wing (below).



'So', says General Rumpler. 'These purple figurines represent Rotenburg mercenaries. Though badly disordered, this condition will be ignored for this combat, as it will for all the other troops of both sides'.

The Burgrave nods. 'And their opposition? Has Lady Luck determined that they are opium-raddled adolescent badger-fodder, fresh from the risible training grounds of Bachscuttel?'

'They are a Bachscuttel guard regiment, my lord'.

'Hmmm. Ho hum. Well, bad for the mercenaries, but I suppose it will save the Rotenburgers paying them'.

'My thoughts exactly'.

'And further along?' asks Faltaire.

'Rotenburg regulars' answers Rumpfler. 'Attacking up hill' (below).

'They face a battery of artillery' continues the general.

'Lovely', says Fitzbuttress. 'And the enemy musketeers? Dare I suppose that they are a team of lady eclair makers, brutally conscripted and thrust untrained into the line by our immoral Bachscuttel allies?

'The Bachscuttel regiment is composed of elite troops, colonel'.

'Well, that's a disappointment'.

'Are circumstances more propitious in the left-hand portion of this combat?' asks Faltaire.

The general nods (below). 'The third Rotenburg regiment is also composed of regulars. Though it must also attack up hill, one of its adversaries is a battery of disordered artillery'.

'I love bayoneting disordered artillery', says Fitzbuttress.

Rumpfler nods. 'All professional soldiers love bayoneting disordered artillery. It is one of those things that makes getting up in the morning worthwhile. Sadly, though, the infantry that the Rotenburgers face are of elite quality'.

'How tedious of Barry-Eylund'.

'At the end of the line, we have some Rotenburg conscripts', reads Rumpfler. 

'And the opposition?' asks the Burgrave.

'The other regiment of Bachscuttel guards, my lord'.

'I hope those conscripts are optimists', says Faltaire. 'And that they have taken out some form of injury insurance'.

The Burgrave frowns. 'Rotenburg success seems very much against the odds. I hesitate to ask, general - but what was the result of this brave attack?'

'A sensational Rotenburg success, my lord!'

'Really!' says the Burgrave, flabbergasted ...