In the Name of Cod, Go!

'Father, I thought you’d like to know that the new flags are here'.

'Very well', says the emperor, his demeanor brightening somewhat. 'Our preparations for war are proceeding apace!. We must parade the army so that I can determine its readiness. And then, we shall unleash our legions upon our adversaries!'

'Hurrah!' replies Wormer enthusiastically. 'Ruthless violence - it's the only language our enemies understand!' 
Joachim frowns. 'Well, don’t they also speak German?'
George sighs. 'Joachim, you have delivered your message. Why are you still here, disturbing my peace and offending our Christian sensibilities?'
'Couldn't I hang around, father? I'm at a bit of a loose end'.

'It's your loose end that's the problem. Look - it’s not even straight, it bends that way', says the emperor pointing, something that he seems to do a lot.



'Somehow my lord, the bendiness makes it seem worse', winces Wormer.
'Couldn't I make myself useful?' asks Joachim. 'After all, I am your heir'.
'Well', says George, looking outside at the sunshine. 'You could lie in the garden and pretend to be a sundial'.

Wormer chortles politely.

'Splendid', continues George. 'Let's go and inspect those new banners. In the meantime, Wormer, inform Cavendish that I wish the army assembled for a grand review'.

'Are we to take on our enemy alone sire?' asks the minister.
'No Wormer. It would be expedient to procure allies'.
'We could send a messenger to Wurstburp', interrupts Joachim, trying to be helpful.
It takes the emperor and Wormer some time to stop laughing.
'No Duke Joachim', says Wormer. 'The first rule of diplomacy in Mittelheim is that the loser gets Wurstburp'.
Emperor George clicks his fingers. 'I know - let’s send an emissary to Zenta!'
'Ooh yes!' says Joachim. 'That might be fun!'