Pie Hard Too! Pie Harder!

Fecklenburg is forced to switch from the Dijon to the English mustard to bring Prince Rupprecht around this time. After a short interlude, Rupprecht is sufficiently recovered to engage once again in sensible conversation. Or at least, what passes for sensible conversation for the Prince. Which, to be honest, isn't that sensible, but is at least somewhat more intelligible than the 'Aaaaargh!' and 'Weeeeeeeeble!' that he had previously been uttering. The wheel barrow is cleared from the room and, in an even clearer sign that Rupprecht intends to take the ensuing conversation seriously, he has undone his flies.

'Fecklenburg, there must be some positive outcomes from our enterprise in Schrote!'
'Well, sire, we have taken the bishop of Schrote'.
'But we don't like him, do we?'
'No sire - he is sly, elusive, related to King George of Fenwick, and also a Sagittarius. But, on the plus side, sire, since you were the previous Bishop of Schrote, he's bringing back the vestments that you liked so much'.
'I'll bet they're stained in ways that make them really difficult to clean'.
'He is a Catholic bishop, my lord: I think that's a given. More broadly, though, my prince, may I suggest that in attempting to resolve the unfortunate consequences of the recent campaign in Schrote, we should frame some kind of plan'. 



'A flan?' says Rupprecht, suddenly more alert.

'No sir - a plan. Because our situation, my prince, is not easily resolved through the acquisition of flans'.

'But we must have some advantages, Fecklenburg. I mean, for starters, we are gifted with my genius'.

'Yes, my lord', replies the chamberlain sagely. 'But just in case that isn't enough, we might want to seek other advantages. In truth, there are indeed some positives. Our adversary George of Fenwick isn't in an easy position. Nabstria is with us, as is Rotenburg. And in any case being king of Gelderland and emperor of Fenwick is a difficult juggling act for George'.

'Yes', says Rupprecht nodding. 'I mean, how does he keep both crowns on at once?'
'No, my lord - juggling as in he will need an effective strategy to reconcile the needs of both'.
'A strategy? Of course, well, I suppose he could wear them on alternate days'.
'No, sir: I mean 'both' as in the interests of both states, not the crowns themselves'.

'Obviously, yes, yes. But aren't the Fenwickians, you know "the Spartans of Mittelheim"? Wouldn't it be better to cleave to our traditional foreign policy approaches and sell the Nabstrians and Rotenburgers out?'
'Indeed, my lord, that is our usual way, But I don't think that George will fall for it this time. I really think that we are in the horse flop without a shovel'. 

Rupprecht mopes, but Fecklenburg tries to rally him.

'No, my prince. We should not fear this, if we are clever. History surely is on our side. For if the Fenwickians are indeed the Spartans of Mittelheim, then this conflict my lord will be as the struggle between Sparta and Athens: a struggle between brutal authoritarianism and the principles of freedom'.
'Is that a good thing?'
'Yes, sir: because history famously lays out how that conflict ended'.
'You'll have to give me a hint'.
Fecklenburg places his hand behind his back and crosses two fingers. 'Athens, sire, Athens won'.
'Excellent', he pauses. 'And which are we?'
'The latter, my lord'.
'And are the Latters friends of Sparta or Athens?'
No, 'the latter' as in the second'.
'The second what? Flan?'

Fecklenburg slows his breathing and counts silently to twenty - ten is never enough. 'My lord, I shall on your behalf send emissaries immediately to the other states of Mittelheim. We are three states now in our alliance - but more will certainly probably join!' 

'Ooh, yes!' squeals Rupprecht. 'Send one to Zenta - that might be fun!'