A Rash Endeavour!

'You have got to be joking', says Rheinfunkt, in a manner that would indicate that, even if it were a joke, it was one of those painfully unfunny Prussian jokes involving a short Frenchman and a long baguette.

Herr Plugg has returned. But he is not alone, being accompanied by two very large pigs of a sort known in Mittelheim as a 'Wilhelm'.

The general points at the pigs. 'Look at their faces. Are they alright? They don't look right - those pigs don't look normal to me, Saxe'.

Horace de Saxe shrugs. 'What's normal for a pig, general? Who can say'.
Rheinfunkt chokes. 'Well, not this, I'm sure! See - one looks mad, and the other looks like an evil genius! They look like the English royal family!'
Horace nods. 'Two qualities, I should say, Rheinfunkt, exactly suited to getting us out of our present difficulties'.

'So, he has two pigs', replies the general, unconvinced. 'Unless they are especially pugnacious porkers who know some other pigs who happen to own their own collection of siege artillery, I fail to see how this might help us to overcome the problem of breaching the enemy walls'.

Horace smiles slyly. 'Watch, general, and you will see!'
Plugg begins to man-handle his pigs.
The general looks askance. 'What is he doing ... what's he ...'
'Sssh, general', says Horace, 'watch him tugging his pigs'.

Rheinfunkt sighs wearily. 'Only in Mittelheim could one be invited to watch a man pull his livestock'.

'But in a normal way', Horace adds quickly.

'Yes', says the general. 'And only in Mittelheim would one need to be assured that the interaction was normal'.
The tugging stops; to be replaced by a good quantity of heaving, as large objects are strapped to the gurning livestock.
Rheinfunkt peers. 'What's he doing? What's he strapping to their back? That can't be ...'.

'Oh yes', says Horace, 'and now you see Herr Plugg's engineering genius!'
Plugg smiles proudly. 'Behold, my lords!' he says, giving a gap-toothed smile. 'Here be the means for the blowin' up of the enemy walls!'
'But this is madness!' responds Rheinfunkt. 'This is a suggestion that is beyond rash! It's so far beyond rash that it's ... it's ... something that, if it had a telescope and looked behind it, it would only be able to see rash as a tiny, tiny dot in the distance! You're mad!' he says pointing at Plugg accusingly.
'I ain't mad, your worshipfulness', replies Plugg. 'An' I got the shertificat to prove it'.
'Where! Show me the certificate!'
Plugg pauses. 'I been left it at home'.
'It is fine, good general', says Horace. 'It's all perfectly safe until the fuses are lit'.
'You mean', says Rheinfunkt tightly, 'like they are now?'
Horace leans forward from his carriage and looks at the fuses on the barrels.
'Oh ... yes', he says.