Military Revolution!

It has been quite some time since this publication last reported on the exploits of Landgrave Choldwig. The reasons for this relate partly to the low tolerance that the editorial staff here have for cruelty to terrapins*; but also that too frequent a focus on the Rotenburg court would breach recommended moral guidelines on gratuitous nudity and the use of olive oil. 

Still, as a core participant in the Wars of the Gelderland Succession, our gaze needs must alight on the Landgravate at this period of crisis. At this very moment, the landgrave is reviewing his newly reformed unit of palace guards. These reforms are a reflection of Choldwig's desire to push through the fruits of his programme for a military revolution in his army.

In other places a military revolution might entail radical innovation in technology, doctrine, and organisational culture: in Rotenburg it just means making the sticks longer. As such, his guards have been re-equipped in a renaissance style, with pikes and landsknecht uniforms. These changes have been received enthusiasically by Choldwig's senior officers: if the word "enthusiastic" is defined by responses such as holding one's head in one's hand and sighing loudly; or saying things such as "For the love of God", and "Kill me me now".

For the troops themselves, it has all been hugely entering. As palace guards, their chances of being committed to combat seem about as low as their likely combat effectiveness if they actually had to fight; and what Mittleheim soldier doesn't like frolicking in parti-coloured costumes, poking other people with big sticks, and saying things like "Halt, who goes there?"; or "I wouldn't touch your wife with this barge pole".

The landgrave's fun is interrupted by the arrival of Baron Lothar von Prohlaps, the Minister for Alexandrification. 'My lord, a message has arrived from our field army. It seems that General Saxe-Peste has committed his forces to battle against the Vulgarians!' cries the minister.
'When will this battle take place?' asks Choldwig with interest.
'My lord, it seems likely, given the time taken for this missive to reach us, that the battle will already have been fought'.
The landgrave fiddles with some olives. 'What are our chances in battle, minister?'
'Many of our troops are conscripts, my lord' says Prohlaps delicately.
'Hmmm', says Choldwig. 'Then I feel confident. Conscripts are less likely to be bound by the dangerous constraints of traditional military thinking and practice'.
The minister nods. 'If, sir, you mean that they don't know what they're doing, then yes'.
'This is the Enlightenment' replies the landgrave. 'I don't want mindless automata in my army. I want Alexandrian style enterprise and initiative. Surely that is what matters on the field of combat?'
'Opinion is divided, sir'.
'Is it?'
'Yes sir: you think that that might be the case; but everybody else doesn't'.
Choldwig frowns. 'What will the result of the battle be, minister?'
'I think, my lord, within the usual parameters of success'
'That bad?' The landgrave sighs. 'Well, we'll just have to see. And when the troops come back, I have some more Macedonian surprises for them'.
'It's not more olive oil is it, my lord?'.
'Not this time, no', replies Choldwig. 'Although', he continues, 'I could be persuaded'.



* And other amphibians. Except axolotls, who deserve everything that's coming to them.