Feel the Weight of my Gabions!

Pacing themselves, the Vulgarian troops are still behind the first parallel (below). Their siege guns remain silent. This has exactly the same effect on the enemy as if they were actually firing, but uses up a lot less gunpowder.

More sappers begin digging (below). The aim, of course, is to establish a second parallel and new artillery positions closer to the enemy walls. Or so one might think if one were unfamiliar with warfare in Mittelheim.

As the sappers advance, they they get closer to the enemy and also further away from the support of their own troops. Deciding it is time to do something to discomfit their enemy that is more active than just hiding their dice, the Wurstburpers launch a trench raid! Two companies of grenadiers are committed to the attack and each company targets a sap!

(Above) One company storms forward!

'Attack! Att...' cries the commander.

'It's fine!' say the sappers. 'We surrender'.

'But we haven't actually attacked you yet!'

'No, really - it's fine. We don't need to go through the whole rigmarole of desperate hand-to-hand combat. Let's just say we've lost. Take us back to the fortress so that we can have a rest and a lie down'.

'But ... wouldn't you be ashamed to have put up no meaningful resistance?'

'No, not really'.

'But wouldn't you feel unmanly?'

'We're Vulgarian sappers. Even the rats bully us'.

'Well ... fair enough: but it's all rather disappointing. I was hoping for a tough fight and a glorious death'.

'Maybe later, when we've had some lunch?'

'Fair enough. Here, let me help you out of the sap'.

'Lovely'.

In the other sap, things go less well for the grenadiers (below). With two sapper companies present, the odds are more even, and these sappers seem much tougher, and also quite angry. There is a sharp and dirty punch-up, only distinguishable from the average Vulgarian night out because this affray has no musical accompaniment. The grenadiers are driven back with loss.

Operations continue. As they develop their saps, it is clear that the Vulgarian approach to siege operations has something of an Italian inspiration. Alas, this inspiration is less Trace Italienne, and more Spaghetti Bolognese (below). 

Instead of a pushing forward the saps and then digging trenches to create a second parallel, the Vulgarians start to connect their saps into a warren of siege passages. Whilst this seemingly rabbit-inspired digging configuration no doubt presages some nefarious 'Black Hops' operations and it also saves time, it doesn't necessarily support the most organised approach to assaulting a fortress. There is a reason that Vauban conducted sieges according to the sober principles of engineering, and this wasn't just because he was killjoy know-it-all. 

To the rear of the Vulgarian positions, the army's physicians are already busy (below).

'Ow! Ow!' cries the patient.

'Stop being a baby!' says one of the doctors. 'What did you expect? This is an amputation not a tickling contest!' 
'An amputation? But I only sat down here for a rest!'

The two surgeons look at one another. 'Well, that's a trifle embarrassing for us. But look at it on the bright side: you'll save a lot of money on shoes'.