March!

In Hospodar Casimir's harem chamber, planning is already under way for the coming campaign in Mittelheim. Casimir has with him the Fenwickian ambassador, Wolfgang, Graf Hotkreutzbahn, and also his closest councillors and officers. These include his vizier Radu Pasha; his military advisor Sergiu Bey; his treasurer, Pasha Manuel Draff; and the commander of Zenta's maritime forces, Admiral Akbar. Akbar has exactly the sort of ambition, enterprise, and diligence that one could expect from someone who had chosen to join the navy in a landlocked state.

'It’s a trap!' claims Akbar loudly. 'It’s a trap!'

'I doubt it, Akbar, I doubt it', says Radu Pasha. 'I only asked for a cup of coffee'.

'My lord, our troops are ready for the campaign', announces Sergiu. 'They are honed to the pinnacle of military efficiency'.

'The pinnacle, you say?' replies Casimir. 'Well, I suspect that that's the top of a very small mountain. Nevertheless, the sooner we can shift our troops from Zenta, the sooner they will stop punching other Zentans in the face and stealing their belongings. Commit the army at once! All of them! Put the troops onto boats; paddle them down the Strudel to Nabstria; land in Nabstria; and then battle our way eastwards - first Nabstria, then Bachscuttel, and then Rotenburg'.
Sergiu nods. 'Splendid, sire. Although, we shall need to prepare the troops to ...'.
'Oh no, no,no', says the hospodar, 'no preparation is necessary. Just get them out of my Sanjak as soon as possible'.

The Fenwickian ambassador pushes his way forwards and then interjects gingerly. 'But my lord, there are the niceties of war that must be abided by. We cannot unleash our forces until we have made a formal declaration of war: such is the way of things in civilised places'.

Casimir pulls a face. 'Oh no, no, no! Not at all!' 
The Graf blanches. 'But my lord, if we do not abide by these accepted norms, all of Europe will look askance at us. This is the era of enlightenment. There are customs, laws, and other', he gestures rather randomly, 'things'.
'I am less worried about those ... things ... than you are ambassador. Much less worried', says Casimir dismissively.
Hotkreutzbahn perseveres. 'But my lord, I cannot be certain that my King will be willing to support such a Zentan attack without going through the correct forms and protocol'.
Casimir sighs slowly. 'Well, fine. I'm not by nature an unreasonable man. We shall compromise. I will send an emissary to declare war at the same time as I launch my armies. If he happens to get there slightly after my troops, well, I can just blame it on the roads, or poor maps, or that the emissary has short legs'.
The graf seems uncomfortable - but he weighs up the importance of having Zenta in the alliance with Fenwick, and also the consequences of putting Casimir into a bad mood. 'As you wish, my lord. Short legs'.

'Excellent', says Casimir. 'Radu slave, find me a diplomat to send to Nabstria'. He pauses. 'And make sure he's not too tall'.

Radu bows. 'Your will, my hands, Awful One'.

'It's a trap!' adds Admiral Akbar helpfully.

'For once, Akbar', says Casimir, 'you're probably right'.