A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Cathedral, the Sixth!

In the cathedral itself, Bishop Baldwin is deep in conversation with the captain detailed, along with a musketeer, to keep a close eye on him. The bishop, no doubt, is impressing upon his captor some apposite biblical tale of  sacrifice and redemption.

'Anyway', says the bishop, 'then I said to her, "I'll wager you haven't seen a mitre this size for quite some time - perhaps you'd like to put your hands on it!"'

The captain guffaws. 'Ah Bishop Baldwin: if I had known that service in the church were so entertaining, I might have agreed myself to join the clergy rather than forcing my younger brother'.

'Alas, my son' replies Baldwin, 'I fear that your regalia might be of insufficient size!'

'A ha ha ha', chuckles the officer. 'But, just to be clear, I think that my regalia would be quite sufficient. My staff, though not quite as curly at the end as yours, and not so covered in precious gems, has often been the wonder of many a fair maid'.

The bishop looks confused. 'Are we talking about the same thing? I'm not sure that we are'.

There is a sudden commotion at the doorway further down the cathedral. There are loud voices, and calls for the bishop.

Baldwin snorts. 'Oh, for pity's sake! It's the Spanish Inquisition again, ruining my life!'

'But - surely no one expects the Spanish Inquisition!' says the captain, in horrified tones.

'Well I bloody do!' says Baldwin. 'They're never out of here! Always barging in and ruining my life, giving it the "Fear and surprise are our greatest weapons!", and "Do this for us or we'll reveal all the details of your sordid carnal escapades"'.

'Carnal escapades?' asks the captain with interest. 'Did they involve your mitre again?'

The bishop scowls. 'Well, less "escapades" and more "encounters" really'.

'What's the difference?'

'There's less evidence to prove the latter'.

Unknown to the bishop and his guards, however, it is not the Spanish Inquisition. Instead, hurrying through the door, it is colonel Ziegler and his jager, ready for combat!

'Forward Frau!' cries Ziegler, 'we're right behind you!'

'Death before dishonour!' shouts another jager.

'Leave none alive!' cries another.

'Kill! Kill! Kill!' say several of them.

Ziegler then halts. 'Actually, let's just wait here a bit and let Frau Karlotte go on ahead'.

Karlotte sighs.

(Below) The Frau saunters forwards and encounters Friar Knowledge and Friar Conviction. The two fellows are as relaxed and engaging as one might expect of any Catholic clergy in the presence of the fairer sex. 

Friar Conviction gibbers. 'A woman! In the cathedral! She's got her elbows exposed; and look - her big milk bucket is just hanging there, swinging, backwards and forwards, where everyone can see it! Just swinging there! It is an abomination!'

'Yes', says Friar Knowledge, ogling Karlotte's ample charms, 'but, you know, I'm willing to get used to it. Or at least to try really hard. You know, in the spirit of Christian charity'.

 'Avaunt, Jezebel!' cries Friar Conviction, using his usual chat-up line with women. 'No well-shaped elbows or curvaciously capacious milk receptical will divert me from my purpose!'

'That's a nice suit of armour', says the Frau, appreciatively, pointing at Friar Conviction's bodily protection. 'Lovely workmanship'.

'Really?', says the Friar, looking down. 'Thank you. But your compliments cannot stop me from flattening your bonce with my instrument of correction!'

'I hope you are referring to your hammer', says Karlotte. 'But, nice armour though it is, next time ...', the bucket flies forward and Friar Conviction doubles up in agony ' ... you should buy some that reaches further down'.

'Gnnn!' says the friar in probable agreement.

Karlotte then looks meaningfully at Friar Knowledge. 'Out of my way baldy. I have serious work to do and no time to waste on flattening a weakling academic!'

'I am bound to die in the service of the bishop!' cries the friar. 'But, to be fair, my oath isn't specific on the exact timing: so, crack on, and I'll just wait here'.

'A wise choice', says the Frau, rushing forwards ...