Sally Ho!

'So, we are preparing a sally, my lord?' asks Colonel Dougal Entendre.

'Indeed, yes, Entendre', replies Governor Schroedinger-Skatt. 'The attack will commence presently'.

(Below) The two men stand upon one of Pippin Fort's bastions. Around them, gunners are scurrying to prepare their pieces in case supporting artillery fire is required.

'And how is Sally feeling, sir' asks the colonel. 

'Oh, in the end I didn't ask her, Entendre' replies Schroedinger. 'It seemed somehow unmanly to expect our surprise attack to be launched by a middle-aged matron, however tough. So I have ordered some grenadiers to undertake the operation instead'.

'Aye, sir - that's probably wise', nods Entendre. 'Although, I'm a wee bit surprised that you did'nae get those nuns to lead the attack'.

'Oh, I asked them, colonel', replies the governor, distractedly.

'Aye, and they refused nae doubt?'

Schroedinger shakes his head. 'Oh no - they agreed to fight. It's just that they appear to have got hold of some more perfume - and so the fight they started was with one another. So I just left'.

The chief engineer nods. 'Aye, sir. As nuns, they're nae what I was expecting'.

'I know what you mean', replies the governor. 'I too was expecting from them more in the way of love and charity; and less, as it turned out, in the way of blunt weapons and violent disorder'.

'That's religion for you', says Entendre.

The governor nods. 'So it seems'.

(Below) The attacking force assembles in the covered way. It consists of three companies. Two companies, the regulars, will remain here to provide supporting fire. The third company, converged grenadiers, will comprise the strike force. These grenadiers are elite Fenwickian troops - and so, quite average. Comprising the tallest, bravest and most enterprising of the available imperial troops,  they can be relied upon mostly to stay in ranks and, roughly on command,  to fire their muskets generally in the broad direction of the enemy. In the rest of Europe, armies generally have much better sources of quality manpower than in Mittelheim, not least because the prisons are also better. In Mittelheim, infantry really doesn't get any better than this. Which helps to explain why the wars here last so long.

The Fenwickians have chosen to attack at night to maximise the chances of overrunning the enemy trenches. (Below) The target is the enemy's third parallel, viewed here from the nearest ravelin. Because this is a night attack, any artillery fire is likely to be highly inaccurate. So, no change there then. Because of the gloom, for the most part the attacking troops will have to rely upon their own skill and fortitude if the attack is to be successful. Which is a shame.

The governor descends from the bastion and has a last word with the commander of the attacking forces - Captain Dreihumpe (below). Dreihumpe is technically parolled, having been captured at the crossings of the Strudel. But no self-respecting Mittelheim army would let little things like the laws of war get in the way of military necessity.

'So, Dreihumpe - you know what needs to be done?' asks Schroedinger.
'Yes, sir.'
'And you have your story straight in case you are seen by the enemy?'
'Indeed, sir. "Seeing a large party of grenadiers exit the covered way, I followed them in case they were heading to a particularly entertaining party. Realising that they were actually attacking the enemy, I then kept asking them the way to the nearest tavern - questions that might, in the confusion and to the untrained ear, have sounded like me giving them orders to manoeuvre and to fire". I think that covers it, my lord'.
'Excellent. I'd like to say that I have the highest confidence in you, captain'.
'Why, thank you very much, sir'.
'No, no', says the governor. 'What I mean is that I'd like to say that I have the highest confidence in you: but I can't because I feel that you're probably a dreadfully mediocre officer'.
'I ... er ... I ...', says the captain, a little crestfallen.
'Still', continues Schroedinger, 'being merely mediocre, you are the best fellow that I have available. So, have at it'.
' Er, thank you, sir', says Dreihumpe, saluting the retreating form of the governor. 'Yes, thank you for the vote of confidence'.

(Above) the captain turns to his troops. 'Order the men forward, lieutenant', he barks to the nearest subaltern. 'Quick, but quiet. I shall position myself to the rear: there I shall be in the best station to ... ah ... you know ...whatever.'
'To the rear, sir? It's just, I thought ... I mean that I gained the impression ... or perhaps indeed a strong certainty, sir, that you might be leading the attack. To inspire the men. To take the same risks that they take'.
'Me? Front? Well, I'm not quite sure how it is that you would have gained such an impression, my man'.
'Well, sir, one strong hint was the speech that you gave to the men in which you told them that they had nothing to fear because you would be leading them from the front: to inspire them and to share their risks'.
'Really?', says Dreihumpe.
'And that you would be the first out of the trenches'.
'Is that so?', nods Dreihumpe.
'And the first into the enemy trenches'.
The captain waggles his finger. 'Well, let that be a lesson in the dangers of jumping to false conclusions from the flimsiest of evidence; indeed, a tissue if supposition. You see, the key to excellence in leadership is survival. After all, if as an officer I don't survive, then how can I learn? And I do think that learning is important.' He looks up into the gloom. 'Well men - I think that it is time. Advance! Two columns! Up! Up!'
In the dark, there are muffled clatters as the troops climb out of the covered way ...