Prince Karl von Porckenstauffen, heir to the Margravate of Badwurst-Wurstburp, strikes a pose. He is wearing strange and garish apparel: part tartan; part draped curtain; part rummage through a children's clothes box. 'Since my ex-Jacobite soon-to-be-subjects seem to be a growing element of our army, I thought it politic to make a gesture towards them'.
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| "From the Wurstburp Spring Collection" |
'Come now, general: don't you think that you should try and be more open-minded? This is a suit of clothing that is both modern and practical. I have followed the Scottish fashion and have nothing on underneath, which makes this an ensemble that is pleasantly ... roomy'.
'Nothing on ... underneath? The general takes a small step backwards. 'Then I enjoin you, dear prince, to avoid any activities of an acrobatic nature whilst in my vicinity!' The general stares at the prince. 'What ... what's that? Why is that animal clinging to the front'.
'I believe that it is called a sporran', says Prince Karl.
'It is clinging, though?' continues Unpronunski. 'You aren't holding it up ... in other ways'.
'It is not a creature', says the prince testily. 'It is a fashionable Scottish accoutrement'.
'Fashionable!' retorts the general. 'What other animals do they hang from their clothing? Badgers? Elephants?' Trying to shake off his post traumatic dress disorder, Unpronunski turns from the prince. He gestures to his map table. 'If it is possible, God help us, for us to try and forget your clothes for a minute, there are important military matters that we must consider, Prince Karl, that my relative military inexperience render problematic'.
Few things, one might think, can outpace a Mittelheim army on the retreat. A Mittelheim army en route to a house of ill-repute that was running an offer of "buy one, get one free" might be one rare example; as might King Wilhelm of Gelderland's speed in putting distance between himself and the opportunity to take a responsible decision. However, sadly for general Unpronunski, it turns out that there is a third case: the army of imperial Fenwick chasing that of the Margravate of Wurstburp. Having suffered in succession two heavy defeats, the Wurstburp army has been streaming back to their own borders, on the basis that the best support that they can give to their allies in helping to win the War of the Spasmodic Sanction would be to stop giving their adversaries the opportunity to fight them and to win easy victories. However scouts have brought in some unwelcome news - the Fenwickian field army is close by, and a battle seems inevitable!
General Unpronunski is now in his tent, and has called his companion, Prince Karl von Porckenstauffen to discuss their options. Notionally, the prince is merely an observer to the campaigns of the margravate's army. However Karl, being heir to the margravial throne, and also being annoyingly persistent, necessarily exerts more influence than his observer status might imply. Unpronunski stares at his maps, searching for inspiration.
Prince Karl snorts. 'We simply have to determine where lies the relative balance of advantage - and then focus on that!'
The general considers the prince's words. 'Well, my prince, the army of Fenwick would seem to have two key advantages. First, they are, by reputation, excellent at ranged combat'.
'Why is that?' asks Karl. He produces a carrot from his sporran, a movement that makes the general wince. Since the prince has very pronounced front teeth, the carrot merely reinforces his resemblance to a rabbit. Indeed, he is widely known behind his back as "Bunnie Prince Karlie"'.
'They have an artillery academy that ensures that their four field batteries are exceptionally well trained. Moreover, they also have the "lethal volleys" tactical doctrine'.
The prince scowls. 'And their second advantage, general?'
'Second, they are also good at everything else. Thanks to their long run of victories, the "Spartans of Mittelheim" are mainly troops of elite quality'.
Prince Karl nods. 'But they must have disadvantages'.
Unpronunski nods. 'Well, we're going to lose; so they might well be overconfident'.
'Hmmm. And our disadvantages?'
'Well, we're going to lose'.
'And our advantages?'
'Well, we're going to lose; so our bar for effective performance in the coming battle has been set quite low'.
'There must be something more positive - something around which we might frame a plan of action for the coming encounter?'
'We are skilled in mass and bayonets, prince. So we need to close with them before we lose. We need a battlefield that will screen us from their fire, and allow us to reach close quarters unmolested. So we're looking for ...'
'A battlefield with a large and high wall right down the middle? Where's Ranald Drumpf when you need him'.
'An unlikely find, Prince Karl. But here ...', he says pointing at the map, 'What about this? ... The village of Glashoffel - this is where we should meet the enemy in combat! I shall give orders immediately!'
'Splendid!' replies Karl. 'What shall I do?'
'Anything', replies the general, 'that doesn't involve you bending over'.
Prince Karl snorts. 'We simply have to determine where lies the relative balance of advantage - and then focus on that!'
The general considers the prince's words. 'Well, my prince, the army of Fenwick would seem to have two key advantages. First, they are, by reputation, excellent at ranged combat'.
'Why is that?' asks Karl. He produces a carrot from his sporran, a movement that makes the general wince. Since the prince has very pronounced front teeth, the carrot merely reinforces his resemblance to a rabbit. Indeed, he is widely known behind his back as "Bunnie Prince Karlie"'.
'They have an artillery academy that ensures that their four field batteries are exceptionally well trained. Moreover, they also have the "lethal volleys" tactical doctrine'.
The prince scowls. 'And their second advantage, general?'
'Second, they are also good at everything else. Thanks to their long run of victories, the "Spartans of Mittelheim" are mainly troops of elite quality'.
Prince Karl nods. 'But they must have disadvantages'.
Unpronunski nods. 'Well, we're going to lose; so they might well be overconfident'.
'Hmmm. And our disadvantages?'
'Well, we're going to lose'.
'And our advantages?'
'Well, we're going to lose; so our bar for effective performance in the coming battle has been set quite low'.
'There must be something more positive - something around which we might frame a plan of action for the coming encounter?'
'We are skilled in mass and bayonets, prince. So we need to close with them before we lose. We need a battlefield that will screen us from their fire, and allow us to reach close quarters unmolested. So we're looking for ...'
'A battlefield with a large and high wall right down the middle? Where's Ranald Drumpf when you need him'.
'An unlikely find, Prince Karl. But here ...', he says pointing at the map, 'What about this? ... The village of Glashoffel - this is where we should meet the enemy in combat! I shall give orders immediately!'
'Splendid!' replies Karl. 'What shall I do?'
'Anything', replies the general, 'that doesn't involve you bending over'.
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