Saturday, 31 May 2025

Mathematically Invalid!

Rupprecht is reviewing his most recently raised infantry regiment, Infantry Regiment von Leck.
The prince frowns as he surveys the troops: a collection of decrepit, broken-down, ill-favoured, tree-dwelling primates that have been forcibly squeezed into a uniform: often, it would appear, into the same one. 
'Well,' says Rupprecht loudly sighing, 'this is a problem'.
'Indeed, sir', agrees his chancellor, Leopold von Fecklenburg, who is accompanying him.
'Yes', continues the prince. 'If the war continues much longer, how will we be able to sustain this superior quality of recruit going forward?'


'My own thoughts exactly, sir. There is, however, one other problem'.
'Are they Welsh?'
'No, my lord. I think that the problem becomes clear if one counts their limbs and then divides this by the number of bodies. Received wisdom would suggest that 'four' would be the desirable answer'.
Rupprecht frowns. He begins the process of applying his knowledge of mathematics.
Fecklenburg leaves, has a leisurely lunch with coffee, and then returns later after a cheeky brandy.
'I've got it!' cries Rupprecht. 'Five! They've all got an extra arm! But aren't troops with five limbs actually an advantage?'
'My lord, I think that you have perhaps made an error in your calculations. It is indeed a complex process of mathematics, requiring as it does both addition and division. But I think you'll find that the problem is that the answer is only approximately four, a total which is achieved only by some rounding up'.
Rupprecht shrugs. Well, if they're missing a leg or two, then wouldn't rounding them up be quite easy? I mean, how far can they get?'
'No, my lord. It's not just a leg or two. Some are missing arms - see the empty sleeves; and many have had to replace their lost legs with wooden stumps'.
'So they have fewer than four limbs? I don't see that as a particular problem. I mean, slightly less than four leaves quite a lot of leeway. I think we're fine until we're in the 'one-and-a-half average' range'.
'Less than two limbs per man? My lord, there are many attributes commonly ascribed as desirable in a modern infantryman. And I'm sure that an unspoken one would be that they have four limbs. Less than two would complicate their ability to perform key military tasks such as standing up or putting on their trousers'.
'Fecklenburg, it could be an advantage. They say the Devil makes work for idle hands ...'
'I don't think that removing the hands, as well as the arms that attach them to their bodies, is the answer'.


'I don't understand why this regiment has such a high body to limbs ratio, chamberlain'.
'It is an invalid battalion, my lord. These men are veterans who have given years, and many body parts, in your service'.
'And they've signed up again, Fecklenburg? I am touched - the honour, the courage, the loyalty!'
'And also, sir, the poverty and the desperation'.
Rupprecht nods, seriously. 'How very moving. I feel, in a way, morally responsible ...'
'And also, sir, actually responsible, since they have no other means of obtaining a living'.
'Well, Fecklenburg, welcome them to my army - if the term "army" is wholly appropriate, given the empty sleeves that I see. And then send them straight to the front as fast as their stumps will allow!'

2 comments:

  1. It will be interesting to see how these veterans get on in the front line shenanigans. Nice addition and very nice flag.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Donnie! You don't often find miniatures specifically designed for an invalid battalion.

      Delete