Sunday, 16 March 2025

Vahringblancks, the First!

Wherein the army of the Grand Duchy of Kurland under Grand Duchess Catherine encounters the forces of the Burgravate of Nabstria, commanded by General Hieronymous von Rumpfler.

At the very same time that the Rotenburgers are claiming a victory, a 'victory' achieved through a process ethically identical to large-scale financial fraud involving orphans and freezing pensioners, another battle in the Yum Kipper War is about to be fought.

Near Vahringblancks Hill in north central Gelderland, we find the army of the Burgravate of Nabstria arrayed for battle. (Below) General Hieronymous von Rumpfler, commander of the Nabstrian troops, is consulting two of his staff: Hugo von Stumpe and Major Seewurd.

'The army is deployed according to my orders?' asks the general mildly.
'Absolutely, sir', replies Stumpe. 'The troops are prepared, everything is ready, and no mistakes whatsoever have been made'.
'Well, that's reassuring' says Rumpler. 'Because this is an important battle, and there's really no room for cock-ups'.

(Below) The Nabstrian army is deployed athwart Vahringblancks Hill, cavalry to the left, infantry to the centre and right. It is a pleasing deployment: double lines to maximise the resilience of the defending troops; an extended front to maximise the opportunities for flanking movements. Rumpfler scrutinises his army more carefully. Looking at them, he has a nagging feeling that there's something wrong. Not just wrong in the normal sense - after all, this is a Mittelheim army, so there are always going to be a few things missing relative to other European armies: professionalism, enthusiasm, underpants. No, there's something wronger. Finally, Rumpfler realises the problem. With weary resignation he turns again to his staff officers.


'Where is the artillery?' asks the general.
'What artillery?' reply the staff officers.
'You didn't bring any cannons with us?'
Stumpe looks at the army for a moment and then sighs sadly. 'Alas, my lord, like an unravelled piece of string, I'm afraid not'.

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