'Fine', says Bishop Baldwin looking around at the small hallway that they are now standing in. 'Where is he?'
'No, Your Holiness' replies Friar Conviction, 'he's not here - I just thought that it would be more expedient to move somewhere more secluded'.'Secluded?' asks the bishop. 'Friar, we are literally ten feet from where we were fifteen seconds ago. There isn't even a door. I'll wager that, whatever the definition is of the word "secluded", this, where we are right now, would be the antonym'.
'Holiness, no, I think that this is the hallway'.
'Yes, friar, I ...', the bishop sighs wearily. 'Look, let us leave issues pertaining to the differences between architecture and a thesaurus, and focus on the matter in hand. Now, yes or no - and bear in mind the consequences of the wrong answer - have you sent Emperor George off in secret to be hidden?'
'Yes'
'Excllent - that, I would say, is the right answer. So, where is he being hidden? I need to send a missive to Bachscuttel so that they can pick him up'.
'Well I don't know, my lord - you said to keep it secret'.
'Excllent - that, I would say, is the right answer. So, where is he being hidden? I need to send a missive to Bachscuttel so that they can pick him up'.
'Well I don't know, my lord - you said to keep it secret'.
The bishop's face turns a shade that matches quite nicely his vestments, and contorts into the sort of shape that it would normally make if, say, hit repeatedly with a medium-sized Thuringian sausage.
'Secret from the enemy - not from us! Why would you want to keep it secret from us! Why?'
'Well, you know, to avoid temptation: as good Christians we should do that. We might have been tempted'.
'Tempted to do what? Covet his ox?'
'I don't know, Your Holiness - you seemed quite clear on the need for secrecy, so I though it best to send the peasants off and let them decide where to hide him'.
'You let them decide?'
'Yes - I told them to use their initiative'. The friar begins to sense that there might be opening up in front of him quite a deep metaphorical hole.
'You told Mittelheim peasants to use their initiative?'
'Yes', says the friar, beginning to feel a large metaphorical hand guiding him enegetically to the edge of the hole. 'Yes, I did'.
'Their initiative?' repeats the Bishop. 'They are Mittelheim peasants - they don't have any initiative!' They have fleas, they have smells, but absolutely no initiative!'
'But what do they do, then, Holiness, when they aren't being told exactly what to do?' The friar can feel the metaphorical hand tying his boots together, and limbering up for a really good shove.
'They don't have any initiative! They just have base desires! They eat; they sleep; they bonk; and they go to the privy! Mostly in that order! There's no telling where on the list they've got to with the emperor!'
'Secret from the enemy - not from us! Why would you want to keep it secret from us! Why?'
'Well, you know, to avoid temptation: as good Christians we should do that. We might have been tempted'.
'Tempted to do what? Covet his ox?'
'I don't know, Your Holiness - you seemed quite clear on the need for secrecy, so I though it best to send the peasants off and let them decide where to hide him'.
'You let them decide?'
'Yes - I told them to use their initiative'. The friar begins to sense that there might be opening up in front of him quite a deep metaphorical hole.
'You told Mittelheim peasants to use their initiative?'
'Yes', says the friar, beginning to feel a large metaphorical hand guiding him enegetically to the edge of the hole. 'Yes, I did'.
'Their initiative?' repeats the Bishop. 'They are Mittelheim peasants - they don't have any initiative!' They have fleas, they have smells, but absolutely no initiative!'
'But what do they do, then, Holiness, when they aren't being told exactly what to do?' The friar can feel the metaphorical hand tying his boots together, and limbering up for a really good shove.
'They don't have any initiative! They just have base desires! They eat; they sleep; they bonk; and they go to the privy! Mostly in that order! There's no telling where on the list they've got to with the emperor!'
The friar waits in embarrassed silence. Finally, the bishop speaks.
'Right - go and get Friar Knowledge and I'll meet you outside. I'll have to send a message right now - the invasion force is going to have to search every cottage, hamlet, village, barrel, and substantial pocket in Schrote in order to track the emperor down!'
No comments:
Post a Comment