Schloss Tanvaund!

Schloss Tanvaund: hunting lodge of the Prince of Saukopf-Bachscuttel, Rupprecht. Built in the mists of time - so, about 12 years ago - the lodge was originally constructed by Rupprecht's predecessor as Prince Palatine, his brother Heinrich ('The Wise and Able'). Rupprecht, 'The One in the Attic', doesn't generally spend much time here, the hunting of animals being for him, like most things, rather too much effort. Rupprecht's philosophy, which to be fair is one shared by many members of the aristocracy, is that it doesn't make sense to go through all of the exertions of doing or getting something, especially animals, when there are plenty of people around him that can be ordered to do it on his behalf and that have to pretend to enjoy it.

Rupprecht's presence here is an enforced one, his palace having been damaged by fire. How it got damaged began with the arrival in Pfeildorf of a box of strange fruit sent by Rupprecht's notional ally, the Burgrave of Nabstria, and a conversation between Rupprecht and his Grand Chamberlain, Leopold Von Fecklenburg, that went something like this:

'Fecklenburg - what are these objects?'
'I think, sir, that the note said that they are exotic produce - mangoes to be precise'.
'What's a mango, Fecklenburg - should I be insulted?'
'I don't know what they are, my lord. They are from overseas, like tobacco. So, perhaps one should smoke them?'
'Yes, Fecklenburg: that sounds like fun. I mean, what could go wrong?'

This being Mittelheim, the answer to this question of course, is 'more than one might think'. Difficulties in lighting the mangoes led to some unwise experimentation with accelerents, experiments that resulted in getting the mangoes lit only because they were in a building that was also on fire. Rupprecht was surprisngly philosophical, always having been told that smoking was bad for him.

Rupprecht has been here for a week. Not much hunting or riding actually goes on. The only hunting is the prince's hunt for his slippers and for accomodating chamber maids. The only riding here happens when he's managed to find both of the aforementioned.

In the hallway to Rupprecht's chambers stands Fecklenburg himself, along with the commander of the Palatinate's army, General Graf Redmond von Barry-Eylund. The latter has been summoned here for an interview with the prince. It is likely to be an uncomfortable one, something that Fecklenburg clearly doesn't mind at all.

'The prince is very angry', says the chamberlain with some relish.
'That must make a nice change', replies Barry-Eylund.
'What?' says Fecklenburg, surprised.
'Well', continues the general, 'the only two expressions I've ever previously seen him have were the floppy, corpse like look when he's sleeping or trying to think; or the look of gluttonous lust on his face when he sees a sausage or a shapely pig. Or, especially, a pig shaped like a sausage. So anger must be a nice bit of variety'.
Fecklenburg seems annoyed at the general's lack of concern. 'The prince intends to take you to task for the immoderate evisceration of our army!'
'So, he used the words "evisceration" and "immoderate", did he?'
'Well, no - not exactly. I think his actual words were something like "buggered up"'
The general nods. 'I thought so. Anyway, Fecklenburg, I have devised a sure way to avoid any princely sanctions. Look at this ...'

'Look at what?' says the chamberlain, mystified.
'The sausage, here in my trousers - look at it'.
'General, I ... I'm not sure that I ...'
'No, look, Fecklenburg. I have an actual sausage in my breeches'.
'I don't doubt it, general, but I don't think I need to see any of that sort of thing ...'
'What, no - look. for Beelzebub's sake - feel the weight: it's a quality bratwurst'.
'I .. uh ... I have no reason to doubt the quality, sir but I'm still not ...'
'Look. Forget it. Just wait until we get to the prince, and then you can see what I'm going to do with it'.
Fecklenburg stands back, his eyes narrowing. 'This isn't some obscene Fenwickian thing is it?'