Hamertheim, the First!

Wherein the army of the Voivodate of Zenta under General Hertz van Rentall encounters the forces of the the Palatinate of Saukopf-Bachscuttel, commanded by General Redmond Barry-Eylund.

The region of Hamertheim in western Gelderland has long been considered an area worthy of visiting. This is because its extensive woodlands block one's view of the rest of Mittelheim. The footfall here, however, is now even higher than normal. This is because the area has now become the site of the latest battle in the Wars of the Gelderland Succession! Oddly, though, and doubtless for reasons of their own, the commanders of the Vulgarian and Bachscuttel armies seem to have decided to challenge one another to fight in possibly the least wooded 'forest' area yet encountered by man (below). It is an area that counts as 'forested' in exactly the same way that it might count as 'rolling sea', 'an iceberg', or 'a small black forest gateaux'. The wide plain that constitutes this 'forest' is interrupted by two small copses, two low hills, a road, and two middle-aged badgers.

The Bachscuttlers approach rapidly from the north (top right) and encounter Vulgarian forces marching along the road from the south (top left). Neither side, however, seems keen to take up the burden of the offence. Scouts from both sides are sent out, and in the ensuing blizzard of direction-free wandering, it is the Bachscuttlers who come out on top, an outcome that it extremely pleasing to General Redmond Barry-Eylund, a man widely known by the sobriquet of 'the Turtle King': and not because he likes dragging himself over beaches. Or laying eggs.

'Excellent!' comments Barry-Eylund. Barry-Eylund is well-known for his defensive mindedness. There's really nothing he likes more than winkling himself into a tight defensive position, and then sitting passively, running down the clock, whilst rules-meistering his opponent into submission. The general turns to his aide, Major Bohner. 'Splendid, Bohner! Though you may be surprised to hear this, given my reputation as a daring, offensively minded risk-taker, I intend putting our forces onto the defence!'

Bohner considers this. 'My lord, it's really not as much of a surprise as you might think'.

Across the other side of the field of battle, General Hertz van Rentall is studying the Bachscuttel camp through his telescope. 'Pffft', he says dismissively. 'Dat Barry-Eylund fellow ish going on da defenshive again'.

Rentall's second-in-command, Captain of Infantry Duke Walter von Neucheim, jumps from his horse. 'Watch this, sir', he says turning around and tugging down his britches.

'My lord, I think you might need to see this', says Bohner, handing the general a spy glass. 'But you have to promise not to get angry'.

Barry-Eylund focuses the telescope and then wishes that he hadn't. 'What in God's name! He's waggling his thingie and gyrating his wotsits! Are they mocking me?'

'No doubt, sir, they are trying to goad you into attacking. Luckily, a seasoned veteran like yourself, my lord, would never fall for that agai ....'

'Charge!' bellows the general. 'Form the men up and attack!'

 

And so, despite initially opting to defend, Barry-Eylund is mocked by the Vulgarians into changing his mind and taking up the role of attacker! It is such strength of will and single-minded focus on the maintenance of the aim that has made the general the man that he is today ...