Hamertheim, the Fourth!

The Bachscuttel infantry push relentlessly forwards (below). It isn't often that one can apply the word 'relentless' to Bachscuttel troops, except perhaps, in the context of their efforts to avoid a bath; and so General Barry-Eylund finds this portion of the battle quite invigorating. Certainly, this is the sort of generalship all Mittelheim officers are well-suited for: a situation in which a commander merely has to watch his troops march straight forwards towards the enemy whilst remembering not to fall off his horse. It is impossible to avoid looking even moderately soldierly, as long as one has remembered to wear one's britches.

(Below) The main Bachscuttel line pushes right up to the Vulgarian cavalry. So close are they that they can smell the enemy. As it turns out, the Vulgarians smell of a mixture of lavender, orange peel, and sandalwood: that someone has then shat on. Gagging, the Bachscuttlers halt. The flanking units begin to wheel to the left in order to protect the main line from any unwanted Vulgarian interference: which would be any contact at all with a Vulgarian.

(Above) Barry-Eylund begins to evidence some excitement.
'Well, within musket range now, Bohner', he says, nodding with satisfaction. 'I can't ever expect much from my  troops; but walking slowly forwards in a straight line is something that my lads really seem to have a talent for. Mostly'.

(Below) Alas for the general, in a frankly quite startling display of military flexibility, the Vulgarian cavalry 'retrograde' and fall back beyond the range of the Bachscuttel muskets. Trust the Vulgarians to display a flair for retreating even more quickly than expected.

Nevertheless, the cavalry are running out of space, and the Bachscuttel infantry, having really seemed to have got the hang of the tactics of walking slowly forwards in a straight line, are likely to continue moving forwards, making life rather difficult for the Vulgarian horse. Looking at the developing situation, Rentall concludes that he must try, if he can, to regain the initiative. The usual Mittelheim methods of gaining the initiative, such as pulling a hat over someone's eyes and then punching them, or burning things and blaming it on the Turks, probably won't help in this situation. What's required is something really cunning: so cunning, it might make a weasel with a doctorate in cunning feel quite uncertain about the quality of his footnoting. 

'We need shum shtrategem to gain da enemy's attention', says Rentall.

'We could throw a ball of wool, and, you know, like kittens chase that sort of thing ...' suggests Duke Neucheim.

'Pah! Dat won't work! Why don't I jusht flash my pocket watch at dem!'

'That would never ... oooh, shiny!' says Neucheim.

'Gottle a geer!' comments Baron Tostov, perceptively.

'Yesh!' says Rentall. 'Datsh it! I've jusht tort of a cunning plan ....'