Hamertheim, the Final!

Count Orlok's Regiment succumbs to enemy volley fire. With few options left, and no easy way to leave the country, Rentall decides to hurl his cavalry once again at the Bachscuttel right (below). The attack cannot, of course, succeed: for all the usual reasons, such as being Vulgarian; but also because the cavalry are disordered and the enemy infantry are fresh. As the Vulgarian horse stream back, General Bachscuttel offers Honours of War, and the Vulgarians accept!

(Below) Rentall's left wing, intact and raring for a fight, can only look on and rue the lost opportunities. General Barry-Eylund's predilection for treating warfare as an exercise in gardening, complete with water features, has stymied the Vulgarians.

The battle has been another triumph for any irregular concerned with getting their pension. The Vulgarian extreme left, all four irregular units of it, has moved not one foot. Captain Kleinvarken salutes Colonel Kurtz. 'Another successful battle for us, sir! No casualties at all!'

Kurtz nods. 'We might not have lost any men, captain; but you must know that there are other costs!'

'What might those be', asks Kleinvarken slowly and in a manner that indicates that he would rather not know.

'Self-abnegation!' cries the colonel. 'Annihilation of the soul! Horror! Horror! Hollow death! What then can follow after the destruction of one's essence!'

'I could ... get you some hot chocolate', says Kleinvarken.

Kurtz considers this. 'Yes, that would be nice'.

(Below) Opposite them, on the Bachscuttel left, a similarly inactive Bachscuttel irregular asks plaintively 'Has the battle started yet?'

As the remaining Vulgarian troops withdraw, Bachscuttel occupies the field. Barry-Eylund has suffered no losses. One each of his cavalry and infantry regiments reach elite status. The Vulgarians have lost one trained cavalry unit and one elite infantry regiment. The Bachscuttelers have therefore inflicted Carnage on their adversary, although Vulgarian depots will ensure that their replacements are properly trained. Worried about his own prospects of obtaining a pension, Cameron von Muller quits Vulgarian service. Theodore Creasey arrives to ingratiate himself with Barry-Eylund.