Assault and Buttery!

The army of Saukopf-Bachscuttel is on the move. The very last unit to leave are the troops of the Schokolade-Feyer Garde. They are on parade, being inspected by Prince Rupprecht on account of the new uniforms that they have finally been issued.

'Well', says Rupprecht. 'These fellows look splendid in their green uniforms!'

'Indeed, sir!' replies his chamberlain, Leopold von Fecklenburg. 'Now, almost all of your troops are correctly clothed in proper Saxon-style Bachscuttel uniforms, meaning that it won't look like the same troops are being shuffled through multiple Mittelheim armies'.

'Unforgivable!' says the prince, tutting.

'And unmanly', adds the chamberlain in agreement.

Rupprecht surveys his troops thoughtfully. 'Now we are at war again, Fecklenburg, I'm thinking that it's time that we put all of my little pigs into uniforms. And green seems to be an excellent choice'.
'Is that wise, my lord?' asks Fecklenburg.
'You don't think that uniforms would improve their morale and make them fight better?'

'I think I can say with some confidence, sire, that putting them in uniforms won't make your pigs less effective as soldiers. But alas, my lord, I fear that we don't have the money. There is only so much coin to go around, sire. Money spent on non-military items inevitably means less for the war effort'.

'Am I short of money?' cries Rupprecht worriedly.

Fecklenburg shakes his head. If Rupprecht struggled to put food on the table, it was only in the sense that almost no one was strong enough to lift the gigantic plates.

'Indeed not, sire. At least, there is still enough to meet your priorities. Such as they are. However, there really isn't much to spare, what with the need to support our army in the coming war'.
Rupprecht nods sadly. 'I suppose that you are right, chamberlain. It is a classic "guns versus buttocks" problem'.
'It's "butter" sir', says Fecklenburg wearily. 'You mean "butter"'.

Rupprecht pulls a face. '"Butter versus buttocks"? No, that sounds like something very different'. 

The prince watches as the troops turn and file off, marching to join the rest of the army. 'You have passed on my message of support to General Barry-Eylund?'

'I have, sire. Including the threat of execution should he lose'.

'He wouldn't be foolish enough to be defeated, would he chamberlain'?

Fecklenburg considers this carefully. 'Luckily, my lord, I am not a betting man'.