Sunday, 15 May 2022

Bulbous!

There is a commotion in the corridor. There are cries of 'left hand down a bit!' 'To your right!' and 'Right hand down!' Then a strangled cry, and the shout 'No, not down on my right hand!' Finally, to a flourish of trumpets, the doors open, and in struggles a palanquin upon which sits a distinguished looking gentleman.


'My lord! Great Hospodar! Shadow of God and such!' cries the figure on the palanquin. 'It is I, General Taras Bulbous, commander of all your armies!'
'I believe, not to be picky, that we actually only have one army', replies Radu Pasha.
'Indeed lord!' replies Bulbous. 'But if we had more than one, I'd gladly command those too, so enthusiastic am I to serve the interests of Zenta and its glorious Hospodar!'
'Well said', replies Radu Pasha, 'Even if it is a tad grovelly'.

General Bulbous is indeed commander of all the forces of the Sanjak of Zenta. Or at least, those portions of the army which are amenable to taking orders, which is a rather variable quantity. He was appointed as a man who demonstrated tenacity, barbarity, ruthlessness, and a penchant for mindless performative violence, qualities Radu Pasha remembered as being quite impressive given that it was just the interview stage of the process.


'What brings you into the presence of your lord and master?' asks the vizier.
'Well', says the general archly, 'grovelling, obviously. But beyond that, I can report that the army is assembled for the summer campaign in Mittelheim. I can report that the troops are in good heart and eager for a fight, and not just with one another. I come offering my lord an opportunity to review the troops'.
'Excellent', replies Casimir. 'If you can perform a three-point turn with your palanquin, I think that we might head down to the field now and take a look at the troops'. 


1 comment:

  1. Picky Pashas are undoubtedly the best ones... ;-)

    Cheers,

    David.

    ReplyDelete