Wriggling Sack!

Hunchmausen's Headquarters: Day One, 1235

At 1235, Rimmer returns with the bulk of his forces. These include a number of wounded and some empty horses. He reports a force of enemy light cavalry, three squadrons at least, in the vicinity of the Widenlau road, about a quarter of a mile out. The enemy attempted to ambush him, but was driven off with heavy loss. He has put out scouts. These have made visual contact with enemy scouts. It would seem that the main enemy force has probably rallied, but is maintaining observation at a very respectable distance.

1230: Hunchmausen’s hussars return from Oxfurt and Kambritz, entering Schrote via the Tinkel road. Their commander, Major Iapicatfata, appears directly at the Baron’s headquarters with a couple of his lads and a large wriggling sack.

‘The Emperor!’ cries Hunchmausen delightedly.

‘No, sir; it’s me, Iapicatfata’ replies the major.

‘No Fatcatter! I mean in the sack!’

‘Oh – no, sadly not, baron’.

Hunchmausen frowns. ‘Well, let’s have your report then’.

‘Sir, we checked both universities, sir. The one that smelled of turnips, and … the other one that smelled of turnips. We looked high and low, my lord; and also at a height somewhere in between. Alas, however, the vaults contained no immediate sign of Emperor George’.

‘No, immediate sign’, says Czernazmije meaningfully.

‘Yes, Chubbybump’, says the baron, ‘that’s what he said’.

‘No, sir’, says the Vulgarian liaison officer. ‘If there’s no immediate sign, then perhaps Iapicatfata does have some sign’.

The major nods. ‘Yes, sir. Quite so’. He gestures, and his men empty the sack onto the floor. A Schrotal peasant plops out. He sits up sleepily.

‘We found this one in the stables, sir. It was all we could do to get him half awake. Either he’s been drinking heavily, or hasn’t slept since AD42. Or both. Actually, both probably.

‘Interesting’, says Czernazmije.

‘Yes’, says the baron enthusiastically. There is a pause, and he then says ‘How, exactly?’

Ziegler's Headquarters: Day One 12.50 pm

Captain Kugel reports that the fires are ready for the hotshot. He anticipates commencing firing on the nearest house at 1325.

At 1245, a message arrives from Colonel Pfannensteil. He reports a sharp engagement at around 1220 with a greatly superior force of enemy cavalry. The enemy were driven off and suffered heavy casualties. The enemy have withdrawn back to Schrote. He has sent out scouts and has the Widenlau road under observation. At 1230, a force of enemy cavalry, probably of squadron strength passed down the Tinkel road and entered Schrote from the north.

Hunchmausen's Headquarters: Day One, 1.30pm

At 1.15pm, Colonel Kluck und Gluck reports that morale in the militia seems to have taken a turn for the worse. Several of the men seem to have disappeared. Lurid stories seem to be circling Schrote about the fate of Humpe at the hands of the invaders – stories of violence, fire, and the inappropriate use of cucumbers. The inhabitants of Schrote might be next!

Schrote Militia:

First Detachment: 21 men present, including seconded grenadier NCO (8 dead, 16 lightly wounded, 16 heavily wounded, 5 deserted).

Second Detachment: 65 men present, including seconded grenadier NCO (No casualties, 1 deserted).

At 1.20pm, one of the VAGG experts, a certain Kraftstein, reports on the progress made in the interrogation of the peasant. He bows in front of the baron. He wears a blacksmith’s apron, disconcertingly smeared with glutinous red material that, for the sake of everyone’s lunch, we shall just assume is a delicious strawberry preserve. His conclusion thus far is that (a) the peasant isn’t drunk, but is probably drugged; (b) that he was abandoned after drinking something that he shouldn’t; and that (c) his compatriots continued on somewhere else with a ‘special package’. In Schrote, of course, a ‘special package’ could encompass anything from an especially nice sandwich to the Necronomicon.

The enemy prisoners seem to have little interesting to say except that they are definitely not Nabstrians, but instead volunteers come to ‘punish the bishop’. Some, sadly, seem to have taken that a little too literally, and have had to be covered by blankets to shield the locals.

At 1.30pm, the enemy cannon start firing again. They have changed target from the Ostmarck regiment to the red houses containing the leibgrenadiers.

Ziegler's headquarters: Day One, 1.30pm

Colonel Zeigler looks on in interest as a gaggle of artillerymen carefully manhandle two ‘cherry red’ cannon balls up the hill to their artillery pieces. With cries of ‘left hand *ouch!* down a bit’ and ‘right hand *ow!* around a bit’ the men use tongs to manipulate the munitions, finally rolling them into the prepared barrels.

At 1.30pm, only a little later than anticipated, the guns fire the first rounds at the red houses!