Weighty Matters!

'My lord', says chamberlain Leopold von Fecklenburg, bowing. 'You called?'
'I did, I did', replies Prince Rupprecht of Saukopf-Bachscuttel briskly. 'I am siezed by weighty matters, lord chamberlain; weighty matters of state'.

The prince sits in one of his attic rooms. It looks like just the sort of attic that many in Mittelheim firmly believe that Rupprecht should be locked up in and never let out of. Nearby, there stands a large easel with what appears to be a painting upon it.

Fecklenburg's eyes narrow suspiciously. 'You have been ruminating on matters of state, sire?' says Fecklenburg, 'actual matters of state, my lord: or by "weighty matters of state" do you actually mean "the state of your weight". Because that's what it was the last time, sire'.

'Yes', admits the Prince. 'It was wasn't it'.

'And also the time before that, my lord'.

Rupprecht considers this. He seems about to say "no, it wasn't" but then is forced to say something like "Yes, I suppose it was".

'Yes, I suppose it was', he says. 'But this time, by "weighty matters of state", I mean issues relating to the besieging of one of my towns'.

The chamberlain nods. 'Then, my lord, in your new found state of princely application, let us talk of strategy!'

Rupprect nods excitedly. 'Yes, but before that, I've got something to show you'.

'It's not that clock again is it, my lord?'

'No, no, Fecklenburg! It's this!' Rupprecht gestures towards the painting.

Fecklenburg raises an eyebrow. 'It seems like a painting, my lord'.

'Exactly! Exactly!' says the prince. 'A painting! Of a siege! And do you know why it's here, Fecklenburg?'

Fecklenburg considers this. 'My lord, experience tells me that the list of possibilities is probably quite long. It's not ...' the chamberlain gestures '... related to your lunch is it?'

'Bah! No, Fecklenburg!' This is a gift from the noted Nabstrian scientist Faltaire!'

'That's not necessarily a good thing, sire. Wasn't Faltaire the inventor of homeopathic gunpowder? And the horseless carriage that was ...'

' ... just a carriage without a horse - I know Fecklenburg. But I tell you - this is brilliant! Using this picture we shall be able to follow the siege of ...'

'Schwettinbad, my lord: the town now besieged by the Vulgarians is Schwettinbad'.

'Yes, Schwettinbad. Behold, we have here a picture of the town and with it, we can follow in real time the progress of the siege!'

'But this is an image painted on canvas, my lord. Such items tend towards a static display of the subject-matter - not least because they are images painted upon a piece of canvas'.

'Oh ho!' cries the prince gleefully. 'Now what do you think about this then!' The Prince hops forward; then there is a short period of hammering. 'Behold!' cries the prince finally as he sits back down.

Fecklenburg looks at the image.

'See!' chortles Rupprecht. 'It's like the siege is happening right in front of us! It's an image of the siege that we can generate artificially! Faltaire calls it "Siegey Eye"'.

'Siegey Eye, sire?' says the chamberlain wearily.

'Oh yes! And when we're done with the siege, I have a few more uses for this new technology that involve some of my very artistic paintings of actresses'.

'I would expect nothing less, my lord' sighs Fecklenburg.

The prince then claps his hands. 'And now, for the second great weighty issue of state: what should I have for lunch?'

Fecklenburg shrugs listlessly. 'Well, what about the chicken?' he replies.

Rupprecht frowns. 'Hmmm, I should think she'll have bird seed like she usually does'.
After a short period of time to allow the comedy tumbleweed to drift by, our attention shifts dear reader, to events at the town of Schwettinbad, where matters of Vulgarian military aggression are at this very moment at the forefront of the concerns of the local citizenry ...