Professional Siege Education!

(Below) The Vulgarian encampment is a sprawling agglomeration of military flotsam and jetsam; and that, of course, just describes the troops. The disorder resembles the sort of a situation that would apply if the siege were, metaphorically, a flat-pack wardrobe with no instructions and a suspicious lack of fixings: if, that is, the wardrobe also smelled very bad, and was in the process of being built by a large group of benobo monkeys with hangovers and no access to an allen key.

Into this chaos a new and transformative element is about to be introduced. (Below, right) General Hertz van Rentall, the Vulgarian commander is in the middle of trying to induce some order into his troops. This involves applying some inspiring types of performative execution, accompanied by the distribution of Dutch short-cake biscuits. So, it's something of mixed morning for many of his men. The general is interrupted by the arrival of a coach. Who could be on board this conveyance?

'Ranald Drumpf!' wails Rentall. 'Itsh dat tiny-handed, crazshy-coiffured, orange-exteriored ignoramus!'

Rentall, it is fair to say, is not Ranald Drumpf's greatest supporter. Amongst other things, Drumpf's previous arrival on a Mittleheim battlefield was not accompanied by a great deal of military success for the Vulgarian forces. Happily for the general, however, the new arrival is not Drumpf at all!

Why, it is Lady Timsbury of Somerton, arriving post-haste from Fenwick where she has introduced the Empire to the benefits of Professional Military Education! General van Rentall is most relieved!

'Madame, dish ish unexshpected. Da meshages I reshieved indicated that you vould be arrivink nexsht week!'

'General, when they told me that you were engaged in an expedition against the Palatinate of Saukopf-Bachscuttel, I knew that I had to get here as quickly as possible! I knew straight away that your military success here would depend upon the extent to which you could leverage the power of postgraduate post-nominals'.

Rentall shrugs. 'Perhapsh, yesh', he says politely. 'But also I could fire some cannon'. 'Madame', he continues, making conversation, 'I can I tell from your acshent dat you are not from Mittelheim?'

Lady Timsbury curtsies. 'It is so, general - I am from England'.

'Oh, England', nods Rentall with interest. 'Which part?'

Lady Timsbury considers this. 'Well, all of me really'.