Ch-ch-ch-changes!

In Schloss Feratu, capital of Vulgaria, Prince Dmitri Feratu-Osterberg is processing some unwelcome news.

'And you're sure - you're absolutely sure, Loon - that I have to marry her?'

Count Arnim von Loon, Dmitri's major-domo, nods sadly. 'You must take a wife to solidify your position on the throne of Vulgaria, my lord. And the Countess Carmilla is from one of the most ancient of the Voivodate's families'.

The prince nods sadly. 'Did I hear aright that all of the old Voivodina's of Vulgaria have been named Carmilla?'

'That is so, sire. What are the odds? And indeed, from the paintings that I have seen in the palace, they all bear quite a remarkable resemblance to one another'.

The Voivodina Carmilla: 'What? Have I got
 something on my face?'

'What are the odds of there being Voivodinas who look very similar to one another and have exactly the same name?'

'Not high, my lord. But then, you became Voivode, and the odds of that weren't terribly high either'.

'That's true, Loon'. 

'And in any case, my lord,  it would be impossible for any single woman to hold the position of Voidodina for centuries. Why, she would have to be immortal, and survive by faking her own death and then returning under the cover of being her own successor'.

'How would one survive for centuries in that manner?'

'I have no idea sir', replies Loon. 'Unless, of course, she sucked the blood of the living in order to sustain her own unnatural existence; damned for eternity; soulless; Lucifer's minion'.

Dmitri stares at Loon.

'But I really don't think that that is very likely, my lord', Loon adds hurriedly.

Dmitri nods, relieved.

Outside, wolves howl.

'So I'm afraid sir that you must get married. I'm sure today will be the happiest day of your life'.

Dmitri frowns. 'But the wedding has had to be postponed!'

'Exactly, sir. Who would have thought that the Voivodina's wedding throne would have been snapped up by a mystery buyer in Wurstburp?'

'It's probably just as well, Loon', says the Prince ruefully. 'The lady Carmilla has a  ... particular taste when it comes to interior design'. 

'Another uplifting summer
in Vulgaria'

'Indeed, sire. Her redecoration of the palace has not, if I might make so bold, necessarily improved the ambiance'.

Dmitri nods. 'Unless the ambiance that she has been seeking is "mausoleum chic". And there's that fellow of hers - what's his name?'

'Dhampir, sire. Her loyal retainer'.

'About the only thing he retains is a strange smell, Loon'.

'I fear, sire, that you will be seeing quite a lot more of him. I don't think that the Voivodina-to-be likes me or your other ministers'.

'I'm sure that it will all turn out for the best, Loon'.

Outside, the wolves howl again, mournfully.