Merkenwig, the Second!

On the opposite side of the field of battle stands the army of the Margravate of Wurstburp. The Margrave, Kasper Johan von Porckenstauffen, is not a man of martial inclinations, and so command of his army is given over to General Bazyli Antonin Unpronunski. Often, the general's command is merely notional because of the presence in Unpronunski's headquarters of Margrave Kaspar's nephew, Prince Karl von Porckenstauffen. The Prince, known because of his pronounced and rather rabbit-like front teeth as 'Bunnie Prince Karlie', is the Margrave's heir. Because of this, his opinions on military matters tend to take precedence. The Prince, however, is still in the capital rallying additional forces; so Unpronunski has a rare opportunity to exercise sole command. Alas for him, though, he is not alone at his headquarters.

Unpronunski's reflections on the most efficacious deployment of his troops have been interrupted by the arrival of Horace de Saxe. Brother of Maurice, he is widely regarded by himself as the foremost military thinker in Mittelheim. That he has been reduced to forcing himself upon Wurstburp, the least successful military organisation since novice nuns were forbidden from kick-boxing, is because his presence has not been universally welcomed elsewhere in Mittelheim. Although he is not the only military philosopher in the region, he is certainly, by a long sausage length, the wurst.

General Unpronunski is being subjected to some of Horace's excellent military advice.

'You are neglecting, I think, to address the elephant in the room, General', Horace says.

'Which is, Herr Saxe?'

'Why, the elephant. of course! It's the elephant. Like I said. Who has the elephants? Because the side with the elephants usually loses'.

Unpronunski frowns. 'I don't think that there are any elephants in the enemy army, sir: I certainly can't see any'.

'Or', says Saxe waggling his finger, 'perhaps you only think that you can't see the elephants'.

'Yes, I'm quite sure that I think that I cannot see the elephants, Saxe: because there aren't any'.

'Or, the enemy has just hidden them very well?'

'On that basis, Saxe, isn't it possible that, because I can't see a travelling circus of Portuguese mime artists, the enemy also has a large number of those within its order of battle?'

'Exactly - and, being mimes, they would be even harder to detect. In war, one must expect everything! And then again, also nothing!'

'Well', says Unpronunski wearily, 'this has been very illuminating'.

Partly because it means that he won't have to talk to Horace, Unpronunski sets about issuing orders for the deployment of his troops. Much of this force is composed of the remnants of Jacobite forces from the '45 rebellion. Since these were the survivors of Culloden, one can at least be assured that they have some skills as long-distance runners

(Above) The Wurstburp army moves into place. Orders are shouted and officers beat their men into position. The ex-Jacobites are a wild and fractious lot, their truculence explained in part by an excessive consumption of their national tipple: a libation made from fermented thistles and metal filings, known as Iron Brew.

(Below) The main element in the Wurstburp army are the regiments of ex-Jacobite highland infantry. Their natural fighting spirit, buoyed up by Iron Brew, is further reinforced by their anger at being forced to live in exile in Mittelheim, a place where vegetables proliferate and you can't get a decent bowl of porridge. Pronunski lines his infantry up opposite the Kurlandian musketeers. Whilst the highlanders aren't great shots, having a tendency to snort their gunpowder rather than put it into their guns, they are really quite handy in a hand-to-hand fight. 

(Below) On the right of the infantry, Pronunski has deployed two regiments of his cavalry: Baggin's Hussars and Fitzbadlie's Cavallerie. These troops have been deployed in line as a way of blocking any attempt by the enemy Cassock horsemen to their front to work their way around the flank of the Wurstburp advance. In addition, should it be necessary, the Wurstburp cavalry stand ready to attack and sweep away the poor quality Kurlandian irregular horse.

The left of the Wurstburp line is held by the Fitzinnisholl Horse (Below). These stand opposite all three regiments Kurlandian regular cavalry, and so Pronunski has supported them by deploying both batteries of his artillery. They won't hit anything of course; but the smoke that they make might be useful.

When all is ready, there is a moment of relative calm. Then, to the skirling of pipes and twirling of thistles, Pronunski orders the Wurstburp attack to commence! Someone in the highland regiments kicks a haggis forwards towards the enemy and then, with a roar of 'See You, Fritz!' the main body advances!