My Grandfather's What?

'Your wooden clock!' says chamberlain Fecklenburg with evident relief. 'You wanted to show me your large wooden clock. Thank goodness!'
'Yes', replies Prince Rupprecht of Saukopf-Bachscuttel quizzically, 'what did you think that I said?'
'It ... it doesn't matter, my lord. It really doesn't matter. Suffice it to say that my morning has improved significantly'.
'Well, there it is!' says Rupprecht, pointing.

'Splendid, sir: although, and forgive me for being picky, but there don't seem to be any numerals on the clock-face'.

'Oh no', replies the prince dismissively. 'If there were numbers then the clock would actually tell the time; and then I would have to concern myself with un-princely things such as being on time. And then, before you know it, I'd have schedules, programmes, appointments. I have', says Rupprecht waving his hand generally in the air, 'a post-temporal mindset'.

'You mean you're late for everything'.

'Not at all, Fecklenburg. As a prince, I am never late: everyone else is just inconsiderately early'.

'Quite so, my lord', bows the chamberlain.

'While we are here, sire, it would prudent to talk about some matters of state.' There is an audible groan from Rupprecht.

'Sir, here I need to be frank', continues Fecklenburg.

'No!'

No?

'No! I have trouble enough remembering your name without you trying to change it. You can't be Frank; You’ll just have to remain Fecklenburg'.

'No sir, I mean that we must be honest about ...'

Rupprecht blows a raspberry. 'Look, I appreciate your honesty in opening up to me about wanting to change your name; but the answer is still no. Anyway, if you were going to change your name then it has to be a name I can remember: like Rupprecht'.

'But that's your name, sir'.

'Hmmm, you're right: and if we were both Rupprecht then that would be very confusing. Well, I suppose I could change my name to something else that was easy for me to remember: like Fecklenburg'.

'My lord, then I'd be Rupprecht and you'd be Fecklenburg. Imagine the problems ...'

'You're right. Well, then perhaps you could be Rupprecht, and I could be Frank?'

'Sire, I think that we have drifted from my original intent. In fact, it's less a drift, and more a vigorous paddle. I simply wanted to say that I think that, respectfully, things on the frontier are likely to get a tad difficult'.

'A tad? Is that bad? It sounds bad; or at least the tone of your voice leads me to think that it's bad'.

'Sir, I fear for our frontier towns. It seems likely that the Vulgarians might have a go at them'.

'But why would the Vulgarians come all this way and lay siege to one of our towns?'

'Well, sir, probably because they have all of this siege stuff and they want to use it again'.

Rupprecht snorts. 'Well, let them come. Our towns are locked up as tight as my mother's virtue'.

'Exactly sire: almost anybody might be able to get their hands on our bastions'.