I Fought The Lore, And The Lore Won!

' ... and this?' asks Radu Pasha sceptically. 'Please don't tell me that this is a glass case containing a disembodied hand with an eyeball on it'.

There is silence.

'Well?' repeats Radu.

Sihirbaz shifts uncomfortably. 'You distinctly told me not to tell you that it was a glass case continuing a disembodied hand with an eyeball on it'.

'And so what is it?'

'It's, ah, not a glass case containing an eyeball and a disembodied hand?'

Radu sighs. 'Sihirbaz, if this were, theoretically, a glass case containing a disembodied hand upon which there was an eye. I suppose the obvious question is why it contains those things and not, say, a half eaten cake or a pile of scones which I think would be the sort of things one normally finds stored under a glass case'.

'I obtained these things from an ancient and powerful sorcer ... ah, I mean, ah, source'.

'Wouldn't the scones have been more useful? I mean, it's not as if you don't already have a useful quota of hands and eyes. What use are a few extras?'

'I was promised that this artifact would prove most handy in keeping an eye on things that were related to the future'.

'The future? Well, it can't work that well. I mean, if it did, wouldn't you have known that you were going to be run out of Wallachia for dabbling in the dark arts and then be driven here to Zenta in search of employment? Couldn't you have taken some preventive measures such as not dabbling in the dark arts and getting caught?'

'I did try' admits Sihirbaz, 'but I was shamefully framed by the local Witchfinder Specific'.

'Witchfinder Specific?'

'Yes, it's like a Witchfinder General, but with a much, much better knowledge of the witchfinding small-print. I was accused of dabbling in the occult and I was prosecuted in court'.

'And you weren't having a dabble?'

'No - I said to someone that I was dabbling in yakult'.

'Is there a difference?'

'The ratio of yoghurt to human sacrifice is much, much higher in what I was doing. But the witchfinder didn't care'.

Radu Pasha sighs. 'Well, I shall have to report my findings to the Hospodar. He won't be pleased. This is', says Radu Pasha, gesturing at the contents of the room, 'a sad bag of research spanners'.

Sihirbaz gulps. 'Well, yes - it is certainly a diverse collection of projects. But I think that you can reassure our lord that the whole will be greater than the sum of the parts'.

Radu Pasha shakes his head sadly. 'Sihirbaz, I suspect the Hospodar might end up sticking some of these parts in your hole, if things don't improve'.

At that moment, a servant appears at the door.

'My lord Radu Pasha - you are required by the Hospodar! News has arrived from the front!'