Professional Military Divorce!

Upon Minister Wormer's recommendation, Emperor George is meeting the prospective military advisor for his army, Lady Katherine Timsbury of Somerton. Having engaged in some idle chit-chat, Wormer, on behalf of the king, seeks to address an issue that has arisen as a result of a few investigation's into Lady Timsbury's background.

'So, my lady, I did hear that you stabbed your husband to death with a toasting fork'.
'That is a lie! A terrible calumny!' cries Lady Timsbury.
'What a relief, because ...'
'Yes! The toasting fork didn't kill him!'
'What ...?'
'He just kept hopping up and down bellowing "Blinking flip, woman! You've stabbed me in the thigh with a toasting fork!"' she continues. 'It wasn't fatal - especially given that the crumpet soaked up most of the blood'.
'Errrr ...'
'No, the fork didn't kill him. The slash with the knife, on the other hand ...'
'You slashed him?'
'Only slightly'
'Only slightly?'
'Well, you know, it went through a fleshy bit. It was hardly fatal, although there was a lot of blood, what with me having run out of crumpets'.
'So what killed him?'
'Oh, it was falling out of the window'.
'He was trying to climb out of the window?'
'Well, I did help him ..'
'Help him ...?'
'Yes - he seemed quite reluctant to go: but I applied some elbow grease - and also some butter - and he popped right through it'.
'I suppose a fall from a window would indeed be fatal' says Wormer.
'Oh no - it was a ground floor window'.
'And it was fatal ... ?'
'Any fall from a window can be fatal, if one then gets shot through the head'.
'You shot him?'
'Oh no' says Lady Timsbury.
'Thank goodness'.
'No, that's never been proved in court'.
'So you were acquitted?'
'I certainly would have been, if I hadn't fled England in order to avoid the trial'.
'But ...'
'Innocent until proven guilty ...'
'I don't think that's supposed to apply to someone who deliberately avoids a trial ... Some, if they were judgmental, might go so far as to say that you were, ah, "on the run" as it were'.
Lady Timsbury shrugs. 'No, I just like to think of myself as really well divorced'.

The emperor steps in. 'My lady, as a Christian monarch, whilst I would never condone violence, I am sure that allowances could be made, especially if what you are offering us is especially useful'.
Lady Timsbury nods. 'Well, Your Highness, what I can offer is guaranteed victory in your coming war'.

The emperor considers this. 'Guarantee it? Are you sure? Because that is quite the claim'.

'I can give you the very essence of victory', says the lady. 'It is called "professional military education", and I can offer a course provided by the very best English university'.

'Hull?' asks Wormer, with a measure of awe.

'Almost as good', replies Lady Timsbury. 'It is known as "The King's College". And I can start delivering it immediately'.

'And it will be cheap and well designed?'

'Did I say that I can start delivering it almost immediately?' replies Lady Timsbury quickly.
'Well', says George, shrugging. 'What harm could it do. And it might certainly help my feckless son Joachim to have some military tuition. But Wormer, will our officers accept advice from a woman?'
'If she brings her toasting fork, I expect they will, my lord. Besides, we can bring in that fellow Lackwitz as well. He can notionally be in charge, but if the lady here does most of the speaking, then that might work'.

George nods. 'Excellent - then let us have some of this "professional military education", then'.