Alliance?

'So', says Casimir thoughtfully, 'you are offering us a full defensive and offensive alliance?'

In front of him, the Fenwickian envoy nods in agreement. The imperial representative, who goes by the name of Wolfgang, Graf Hotkreutzbahn, then gestures vigorously. 'You have heard my offer, great lord. Subsidies and territorial concessions aplenty. Our enemies evidently are committed to toppling my liege George, King and Emperor. Clear evidence of this has been demonstrated by the acts of aggression perpetrated against us during the recent conflict in Schrote. Only war can ensure the security of Fenwick-Gelderland and the stability of Mittelheim. Our enemies are implacable; and so our response must be relentless: victory or death!'

'This is a significant business, then' says Radu Pasha.

'Indeed, sir, yes' replies the ambassador. 'We are Fenwick, not Funwick - and we are deadly serious about the prosecution of this coming conflict'.

Casimir nods. 'So who else will be in this alliance. If I joined you, our adversaries would number three - Bachscuttel, Rotenburg, and Nabstria - and we would number only two; so we would need at least one other power in our little entente'.
The ambassador looks uncomfortable. 'Sire, my next visit is to ... Vulgaria'.
'What?' roars Casimir. 'Ally with Vulgaria! Never! We hate them! We have suffered years of depredations at the hands of Vulgarian frontier brigands! Uncivilised, unbrushed, unwashed, and often undressed! No, no, no, no, no, never, no. Just ... no! What is the alternative?'
'Wurstburp, sire'.
'Fair enough, Vulgaria it is. We'd just have to find some entertaining treachery to inflict upon them at a later date'.

'Excellent, my lord', says Radu Pasha. 'Backstabbing Vulgarians is always a popular activity throughout your realm'.

'Backstab?' says Casimir thoughtfully. 'Oh, no, no, no, no. Where would the fun be in a quick stab that they'd never see coming. No. I envisage something grander; more dramatic; more operatic in quality. Something that has stabbing, yes - but that also combines aspects of flaying, searing, trepanning, dicing, and carefully targeted chopping. Yes, yes. This could all work out very well'.

The Graf nods. 'So, you will join us then, my lord?'

Casimir shrugs. 'Well, let us see, shall we. I am keen to hear the Bachscuttel ambassador, who will be here presently'.

'He will have no offer that I cannot improve upon!' cries Hotkreutzbahn passionately.

'Well', says the hospodar philosophically. 'I suspect that his breastplate would heat up even more nicely than yours'. Casimir sighs. 'Withdraw Graf. I shall hear what the Bachscuttlers have to say...'